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Old 02-02-2003, 03:11 PM   #1
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If you have ever tried to talk to your fish....

My Analyst advised me that talking to my fish would be good therapy. At first, they would not reply (the fish not the analysts). But with patience and a little tenacity some of them finally began to speak; not in whole sentences at first mind you, but muted, whispered words. If memory serves, the first was the female Premnas biaculeatis "Submit", "Obey", and the like. Then the Tangs (in my 10 gal.) began to follow suit.
But they didn't fool me. I knew they were just pretending to like me; you know, the way Dad used to... The subversion soon began to rear it's ugly head. My first clue was when the Green Chromis began to swim together and whisper behind my back. I know conspiracy when I see it. Then the new Firefish would hide every time I approached the tank. AH...HAAAA.... the Ringleader...
So I told my wife; sometimes she talkes to me too. She gave her standard answer "Poke them with a stick!" So I did. They actually pretended to be scared and hide. It was just another trick to host another clandestine meeting whose purpose, among other things, was to undermine my authority. Now I'm really on the defensive. So I get a spare Maxi-Jet 1200 and by hand shoot the stream into every nook and cranny; skattering the rock, stirring up the Southdown into a cloud so thick that nothing could survive. After the dust settled they continued to pretend to be my friends. But I ain't that stupid. I have now taken out a contract on each and everyone of them. I know that the Brittle/Serpent Stars are on my side; they told me so. We'll just have to wait and see.
I've learned my lesson though: Never, ever talk to your fish, at least if you must, don't tell them the truth. They will certainly use it against you. I'm also loadin' up the HK-91 to pay a little visit to those analysts. I realize now that they were in cahoots with the fish all along.
PS My next project is to open up a dialog with my corals.
PPS Just because I'm paranoid doesn't mean that they are NOT out to get me.
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Old 02-02-2003, 03:21 PM   #2
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Thats some funny stuff.

U know I admit I talk to my PBT. I tell it that its a pretty fish and that its a good fish for not getting ICH. Then I reward it with a nice square of Nori.

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Old 02-02-2003, 03:52 PM   #3
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LOL!

My hubby, Gabe, talks to our female clown...

"Ow! Quit it. OW! Quit IT! Don't bite. Stop biting. STOP! FREAK fish. I'm not even NEAR y0r lame eg... OW!"
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Old 02-02-2003, 03:54 PM   #4
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Hey Sidewinder,

Regardless, whether it is fact or fiction, ( hopefully fiction? )... Great story.

Do your write for a living? If not, you may be missing a "calling".

Hey fishfreek, IMO, this would make an awesome addition to a newsletter. Hint...
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Old 02-02-2003, 04:05 PM   #5
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Happens every time my Thorazine perscription can't be refilled...
PS Targ, love your sig
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Old 02-02-2003, 04:14 PM   #6
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Ahh, man,.. my wife read your post from behind my back and muttered, "For Christ sakes, don't encourage him...".
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Old 02-02-2003, 06:33 PM   #7
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LMAO!!! I agree, you should do more of this. BTW, your fish were getting a kickback from the analyst :P You ever notice what you get when you break up the word The-rapist....
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Old 02-02-2003, 06:52 PM   #8
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The dialog with the corals does not go well. They are pretending as though they do not hear me. But as I turn my back and walk away, I can hear whispers; can't quite distinguish their words, but each time they get minutely louder. I'll keep you posted.
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Old 02-02-2003, 11:09 PM   #9
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please do..I have always been convinced that life is a diabolical plot against me and the most innocent looking are the ones to be worried about.
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Old 02-03-2003, 12:40 AM   #10
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yea, when my spoiled purple tank wants to eat he sees me then picks at my corals i yell at him and give in. if his tummy is'nt bulging hes still hungry.
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