Good evening, Waterworld citizens, this is your CCTV Nightly News, Otto Cinculous reporting from the Manhattan Driftwood Towers.
Tonights Headlines:
Fishboy Fishmate, actress, celebutant and ex-mistress of the departed Jimmy Hoffa, Goldie Hawn found dead in Club Hygro.
Brown Town residents revolt against Clean Water Goddess, UPWU members strike.
Carpet Land resident arrested for illegal fishing
Residents of North Central call for removal and destruction of Club Hygro, due to unauthorized building and expansion. Fight lead by lobbiests from Mothers Against Plankton Abuse (MAPA).
Our lead story tonight begins with the death of world renouned and loved celebutant Goldie Hawn. During a raid on Club Hygro, Ms. Hawn was seen by many club goers passed out at the CO2 bar. Little did the socialites realize that Hawn was already dead. Emergency workers attempted to revive the starlet without avail. A fight over the estate of late United Plankton Workers Union (UPWU) Leader Jimmy Hoffa still prevails, and it is unknown if Hawn is indeed the heiress to his fortune. The coronors office has not given a cause of death, and speculation is that it is related to a CO2 or plankton overdose. Ms. Hawn was apparently quite bloated for several days before her demise, and was also participating in a hunger strike to save the city, after the brown out several weeks ago. It is unknown if the hunger strike contributed to the death.
In related news, club owner and BackStreet Boys former member, Justin Fisherlake, is under fire from feared lobby group MAPA (Mothers against plankton abuse), who in an unprecidented move, are suing for the complete removal of Club Hygro. Apparently, zoning laws and permits have come into close inspection, as the club has expanded exponentially into residential areas. MAPA hopes to have Hygro shut down, and will not settle out of court.
Meanwhile, in Brown Town (City formerly known as New Egyptia), statues of the Clean Water Goddess were defaced durning a revolt following a complete and thorough deep tank cleaning. King Poo Poo "Tony Montoya" Dusty released a statement saying:
"While we are a deeply religious people, who are most commited to our worship, the brutal and repeated water changes, removal and repositioning of homes, removal, extended cleaning and reseating of the water treatment plants, and extended glass scraping were above any reasonable amount of time we should be subjected to stress."
Likewise, due to the stress of the extended cleaning, the UPWU has gone on strike until the substrate settles, homes are replaced (the Associated WaterPress reports they are seated in outerspace under the giant glowing ball light for algae extermination) and the water clears.
Finally, Carpet Land resident, Beaker, has been arrested and charged with illegal fishing, after being located atop the Brown Town Sun Belt, using her tail in the tank as a lure, and swiping at fry with her paw. While no fish were captured or injured, charges are being considered of attempted kidnapping, attempted murder, and attempted armed burglery.
This has been Otto Cinculous reporting for CCTV. We now return you to The Fish Is Right. Have a fantastic evening, and Stay Classy, New Lake.