7Enigma
Aquarium Advice Addict
Folks, my pain is your laughter. I just have to share this story.
Background:
My wife and daughter are out of town for a couple days, so I'm a bachelor again! (sort of) I have been treating a piece of driftwood by soaking for the past month to get the tannins out so I can put it in my tank. 2 days ago I removed a large pot that had been in since the beginning in anticipation of replacing it with the more natural-looking wood.
After hearing that some woods stink up the house during boiling I figured the wife was going to complain if I did this when she was home. What better time then now right?
So I get out my biggest pot (still a bit too small for the piece), fill it up, and begin to boil my wood with some salt. Sure enough it begins to taint the water to a dark color. So I spend the next 2 hours turning the wood and using a pocket knife to ATTEMPT to strip the bark off. I say attempt because it would have been easier for me to create gold from lead.
After about 2 hours I decide that the water is dark enough for a change so, not wanting to dump the scalding water down my drain and possibly clogging it from little bark pieces, I open up the back door and dump it on my concrete porch (almost falling in the process from the snow which has turned to ice).
I go back inside to repeat the process.
About 2 hours later, I'm pleased that the bark has been almost completely stripped and the water is again a dark (but lighter) color. I decide to again dump the water and start again. I guess I should mention that I did some research on how to efficiently strip bark and temperature shock is what causes bark to split in the wild (ie drastic changes due to expansion and retraction cause the bark to rip away from the tree). So I have had a bucket of cold water that I've been dipping the wood in occasionally to hopefully help get the bark off.
So I take my wood out, put it in the bucket and take the boiling water out back to throw it out. I come back inside, refill the pot, drop the wood back in, and put the burner on max (its electric). I found throughout the hours that about 3/4 was the sweet spot between just boiling, and boiling over. But it takes about 5-10minutes to get the pot boiling so I wanted to speed up the process, then turn it down once it begins to boil. Keep that in mind.....
I now have my wood set to boil in about 10min and have a dirty bucket of cold water. I decide I want that to be clean as well so I go outside and dump it. I come back inside........or not. When I went out with this 2nd bucket I had closed the inner door which I had left open before. It was latched...
I HAD LOCKED MYSELF OUT OF THE HOUSE
When I come home I take everything out of my pockets and put it next to the door so in the morning when I'm semi-comatose I have everything I need for work (remember I have a 7 1/2 month old, sleep is a luxury I don't always have). I did, however, have my cell phone on me.
Any other time, this wouldn't be a problem. My wife is normally home with our baby, or she's close by shopping, or next door with the neighbor. She also has the annoying tendency to leave her car doors unlocked which has a garage door opener. But remember, she's out of the state with my daughter.
I should also mention that we are in the process of getting a new front door. Surprisingly this takes quite a while to order and get installed. We still have the old door, BUT, because we are getting a new one my wife took back the spare key she gave our next-door neighbors. I didn't know this at the time....
It's winter time, yesterday it was about 25-30F so quite cold IMO. I'm now outside wearing a t-shirt and jeans, looking through the window at my pot that will be boiling over shortly (remember I set the stove on high to boil quickly!), with no easy way of getting in.
I try to think rationally. Last time I locked myself out at home I broke a screen window on the second floor (had to use a ladder and climb up) and got in the house. Except that was the summer when none of the windows are locked and sealed. ALL the windows have been locked and sealed for the winter to keep the heat in and the cold out. So that's out of the question. I also don't have a ladder.
I think, hey, my garage door should be able to be lifted right? Nope, its locked and no matter what I did it wouldn't even budge an inch. I also deadbolted the front door because it opens on its own when not latched (hence why we are getting a new front door). So that's out of the question because I honestly don't think breaking down a door is quite as easy as it looks, and once its broken I don't know what to do with it to keep it closed while I'm at work.
My options are quickly coming to an end. I've got maybe 5 minutes before my house possibly catches on fire from the stove boiling over (at best it would trip a breaker and kill the electricity but the line the stove is on isn't even a GFI). I look through the window and see the steam starting to rise. Crap!
I now frantically run over to my neighbors and am told they no longer have a key to my house. I then decide I must break something to get into the house. What to break, what to break.....
The BACK DOOR! Eureka, I have a latticework back door with small panes of glass. I'll just simply break one out like they show in the movies and on TV and slip my hand in and unlock the door.
I have a fire pit out back and grab a piece of wood about the size of the window. This should be easy. I hit it, nothing, again, nothing, 5 more times, nothing. The whole door is shaking but nothing is breaking.
I go grab a large rock, same thing. Hit it 5 times it bounces off (I'm pretty sure this is glass and not synthetic, but it must be THICK).
Now I'm freaking out. It's been about 10 minutes and I know within 5 minutes or less the pot is going to boil over.
I run back to the neighbors and ask for a large hammer. I dash back to the door and hit the window. Once, Twice, 3 times da dada (what's that song?). The 4th time I hear a cracking, and something hit the floor inside the house. The window is still in place. I continue to hit the window and suddenly another ripping sound and the glass pane moves inward about an inch. I use the hammer to pry back the glass as I reach my hand inside to unlock, trying not to cut my hand on the glass.
I'VE UNLOCKED THE DOOR!
I run inside and turn the stove back to 3/4 and in about 3 minutes it starts to boil at its perfect rate.
I look back at the door and see what that sound was. A piece of the wood lattice broke of during a hit and flew across the room. The wood frame then splintered outward and finally broke free so I could pry myself in.
I returned the hammer, kicked the bucket that had caused all this misery (it wasn't me right ), and went back to my turning the wood.
I'm still trying to find a way to fix the door....
When I get home from work today I'll post the pics I took last night of the broken door.......
Thanks for listening, and I hope at least some of you get a good laugh out of this.
Background:
My wife and daughter are out of town for a couple days, so I'm a bachelor again! (sort of) I have been treating a piece of driftwood by soaking for the past month to get the tannins out so I can put it in my tank. 2 days ago I removed a large pot that had been in since the beginning in anticipation of replacing it with the more natural-looking wood.
After hearing that some woods stink up the house during boiling I figured the wife was going to complain if I did this when she was home. What better time then now right?
So I get out my biggest pot (still a bit too small for the piece), fill it up, and begin to boil my wood with some salt. Sure enough it begins to taint the water to a dark color. So I spend the next 2 hours turning the wood and using a pocket knife to ATTEMPT to strip the bark off. I say attempt because it would have been easier for me to create gold from lead.
After about 2 hours I decide that the water is dark enough for a change so, not wanting to dump the scalding water down my drain and possibly clogging it from little bark pieces, I open up the back door and dump it on my concrete porch (almost falling in the process from the snow which has turned to ice).
I go back inside to repeat the process.
About 2 hours later, I'm pleased that the bark has been almost completely stripped and the water is again a dark (but lighter) color. I decide to again dump the water and start again. I guess I should mention that I did some research on how to efficiently strip bark and temperature shock is what causes bark to split in the wild (ie drastic changes due to expansion and retraction cause the bark to rip away from the tree). So I have had a bucket of cold water that I've been dipping the wood in occasionally to hopefully help get the bark off.
So I take my wood out, put it in the bucket and take the boiling water out back to throw it out. I come back inside, refill the pot, drop the wood back in, and put the burner on max (its electric). I found throughout the hours that about 3/4 was the sweet spot between just boiling, and boiling over. But it takes about 5-10minutes to get the pot boiling so I wanted to speed up the process, then turn it down once it begins to boil. Keep that in mind.....
I now have my wood set to boil in about 10min and have a dirty bucket of cold water. I decide I want that to be clean as well so I go outside and dump it. I come back inside........or not. When I went out with this 2nd bucket I had closed the inner door which I had left open before. It was latched...
I HAD LOCKED MYSELF OUT OF THE HOUSE
When I come home I take everything out of my pockets and put it next to the door so in the morning when I'm semi-comatose I have everything I need for work (remember I have a 7 1/2 month old, sleep is a luxury I don't always have). I did, however, have my cell phone on me.
Any other time, this wouldn't be a problem. My wife is normally home with our baby, or she's close by shopping, or next door with the neighbor. She also has the annoying tendency to leave her car doors unlocked which has a garage door opener. But remember, she's out of the state with my daughter.
I should also mention that we are in the process of getting a new front door. Surprisingly this takes quite a while to order and get installed. We still have the old door, BUT, because we are getting a new one my wife took back the spare key she gave our next-door neighbors. I didn't know this at the time....
It's winter time, yesterday it was about 25-30F so quite cold IMO. I'm now outside wearing a t-shirt and jeans, looking through the window at my pot that will be boiling over shortly (remember I set the stove on high to boil quickly!), with no easy way of getting in.
I try to think rationally. Last time I locked myself out at home I broke a screen window on the second floor (had to use a ladder and climb up) and got in the house. Except that was the summer when none of the windows are locked and sealed. ALL the windows have been locked and sealed for the winter to keep the heat in and the cold out. So that's out of the question. I also don't have a ladder.
I think, hey, my garage door should be able to be lifted right? Nope, its locked and no matter what I did it wouldn't even budge an inch. I also deadbolted the front door because it opens on its own when not latched (hence why we are getting a new front door). So that's out of the question because I honestly don't think breaking down a door is quite as easy as it looks, and once its broken I don't know what to do with it to keep it closed while I'm at work.
My options are quickly coming to an end. I've got maybe 5 minutes before my house possibly catches on fire from the stove boiling over (at best it would trip a breaker and kill the electricity but the line the stove is on isn't even a GFI). I look through the window and see the steam starting to rise. Crap!
I now frantically run over to my neighbors and am told they no longer have a key to my house. I then decide I must break something to get into the house. What to break, what to break.....
The BACK DOOR! Eureka, I have a latticework back door with small panes of glass. I'll just simply break one out like they show in the movies and on TV and slip my hand in and unlock the door.
I have a fire pit out back and grab a piece of wood about the size of the window. This should be easy. I hit it, nothing, again, nothing, 5 more times, nothing. The whole door is shaking but nothing is breaking.
I go grab a large rock, same thing. Hit it 5 times it bounces off (I'm pretty sure this is glass and not synthetic, but it must be THICK).
Now I'm freaking out. It's been about 10 minutes and I know within 5 minutes or less the pot is going to boil over.
I run back to the neighbors and ask for a large hammer. I dash back to the door and hit the window. Once, Twice, 3 times da dada (what's that song?). The 4th time I hear a cracking, and something hit the floor inside the house. The window is still in place. I continue to hit the window and suddenly another ripping sound and the glass pane moves inward about an inch. I use the hammer to pry back the glass as I reach my hand inside to unlock, trying not to cut my hand on the glass.
I'VE UNLOCKED THE DOOR!
I run inside and turn the stove back to 3/4 and in about 3 minutes it starts to boil at its perfect rate.
I look back at the door and see what that sound was. A piece of the wood lattice broke of during a hit and flew across the room. The wood frame then splintered outward and finally broke free so I could pry myself in.
I returned the hammer, kicked the bucket that had caused all this misery (it wasn't me right ), and went back to my turning the wood.
I'm still trying to find a way to fix the door....
When I get home from work today I'll post the pics I took last night of the broken door.......
Thanks for listening, and I hope at least some of you get a good laugh out of this.