He he. Had a little laugh.
Might be a clam somewhere. Or perhaps it's just balanced and a bit tippy.
As for the spira, adding it when there is lots of ammonia means the bacteria would consume it without colonizing. However, again it will seed a proper cycle later on. I'd redose after the ammonia and nitrites are gone and a pwc
is done. See how long the second cycle takes. I call an additive cycle a "false cycle". It doesn't indicate what the true bacteria colonization is.
I have used that stuff in freshwater tanks when I was moving every few years. But I don't follow the directions. I would put about 1/2 my gravel in a bucket with just enough water to cover it. Then I'd add the additive and mix it well. An air stone in the bottom and my bio filter screen lying on the top and I'd let it sit for 2-3 days for the bacteria to attach. Then I'd put the gravel in the tank , some deco and water and then start the cycle. Worked great seeding the gravel that way.
If your doing a salt tank with no live sand or rocks, I'd do something similar. If you have live rocks is leave that stuff out and avoid the false cycle.