Wow. I just spent who knows how long reading this whole thing from first post to last and I'm not even sure why I started!! Very interesting. You went through quite a bit in such a short time and seems like you are a strong, smart person. I'm glad I read this too though, I have a few tanks and in one of my tanks I have a crazy anemone that has split (I actually got to watch it split which was amazing although terrifying at first as I had no idea and i thought it was melting or something).
Anyway I took one out and put it in my 46 gallon mainly because my (1) maroon clown and my newer clarkii clown pair (which I think are actually blue stripes and not clarkii ) were all trying to host the same huge, what I always just called hairy mushroom, but googling mushrooms maybe is a neon green mushroom. I'm not sure. Got him unknowing on a piece of live Rock... anyway so I put the anemone in the tank and like you said, boom, this looks like its getting molested by these clowns and started looking crappy right away so I moved him to a different tank and he is ok now. Maybe I should pop one back in and see if its just some sort of adjusting period being bombarded by them. I just get nervous about losing anything. . Oh and by the way... At 2 am I'm craving cookies and I don't normally ever want any type of sweets... Ha