Advice on grumpy "roommate"

[Fishyfanatic]

As many of you probably know, during the week I stay at my parents house since it is a LOT shorter of a communte to work (1 1/2 hours from my apt and only 10 min from their house). I LOVE the weekends because I am out of here.

Since my brother (Dustin) and his girlfriend (Mandi) had a son a year and a half ago, she has moved in. So Dustin, Mandi, and my nephew are living in the upstairs. I am forced to live downstairs because I can't stand being woken up two or three times every night when he cries from nightmares or from being sick. And it is EVERY night light clockwork.

To try and contribute to the household, I buy my own food and drinks. I've noticed over the past couple months, that I will buy a case of soda on Thursday and come home Monday and it's all gone. I don't make a whole lot of money right now, so I sparingly buy soda. I only do when it's on sale. So when I do, I don't want someone to drink it all. I don't mind one here and there, but an entire case?!

I know it's Mandi since my parents don't drink it (Mr. Pibb) and the only soda Dustin drinks is Mountain Dew. They refuse to buy their own beacuse they say they don't make enough money to support a child, car payments, insurance, and all the other expenses. SO they don't buy ANY groceries or give my parents money for rent or utilities, but they still continue to drink all mine and my parents' soda and eat all their food.

I know, this may sound petty, but it's just the principal of the matter that I buy something and it's gone when I come home, every time. Last night I told Dustin that he and Mandi needed to go buy soda because they keep drinking all of mine. Well that made him mad which then he took it out on Mandi (who holds a grudge FOREVER). So now Dustin and me are on good terms, acting like normal. Our arguments usually last until the next morning because we don't hold grudges or even think about it after about 2 hours. But she has a severe attitude problem with everyone. Stomping around the house and acting like a smart butt to me and him.

What would you guys do in my situation? I've tried talking to her but she just walks away. Her and Dustin are having screaming matches constantly. I don't think it was too much to ask that if they drink the soda, they should supply the next stock of it. What do you guys think?

Is it wrong to think that if you buy something one week that the next person buys it the next week? Or should I have to hide soda in the house from Mandi?

Oh geez, they are at it again. I'm off to Wal-Mart to buy a 12 pack of soda to hide in the garage.

 

[rubysoho]

keep it in your room and drink it with ice If she asks, tell her your funds are limited... she can't say anything because she has used the same excuse. If she still complains, tell her it is better for her to drink water anyway. She'd be making a good example to the kid

I agree that if you drink someone else's soda you should replace it (if you are drinking enough to deplete stashes like your case). It is something called being polite. Infact, it is an unspoken agreement between me and my roommates.

 

[mentallylost]

I am in a similar situation right now. It's me, the wife, and the son renting the downstairs of this house. And the brother and sister-in-law renting the upstairs. It is driving me insane!

I have tried to talk to the wife about this a couple of times before, but she keeps going on about how they pay the elec. and we can't afford the rent and the elec. here. I don't care. I just want out of here!!!

But anyway, it all started with the sodas here too. But here it was coke and dr. pepper. I got tired of buying them and not having any 2 days later. I had to start hiding them in my closet. Now it has escalated to my tools. I have a lot of money invested in my tools. I have a full working wood shop and a pretty well set up mechanic shop in my garage. It is so packed in there. But now I am finding my tools in there room. If I ask him about them it's always the same story. Oh yeah, I forgot to return them.

We will be moving sometime in the next few months without them. I cannot handle this anymore. I do hope that you do the same thing before it gets that bad.

Just a thought... I really do like this forum. But it's already bad when a person has to vent this kind of problem on a site like this. Fishy, you really need to find another place to stay. Don't let it get this bad.

 

[lyquidphyre]

I can understand how roommates can be frustrating/irritating.

You might be able to write a nice letter to Mandi and say something like you aren't mad or anything... but its not fair to you that you buy something and its gone w/o intent of replinishment. And, its okay to have whatever if it is asked for. And mention that you don't have much money either and would like to be able to enjoy something that you've paid for. AND if you wanna be super nice... you could tape the letter to a can of coke and put her name on it and put "PS- I bought this one just for you"

kill her with kindness!

However, with the living situation in general... it will be okay! Thats what parents (and their houses) are for.. to help support their kids. Granted, I commend you for buying your own things and not trying to burden your parents, but one day... you might have to move back in and can't afford to help out.

 

[czcz]

No diss.

Get over it. Trust me, being young and having a 1 1/2 year old is one of the most stressful things in life, and dealing with that responsibility while finding time to nurture your partner, and finding a way to support a family, makes one shortsighted. You said your peace and that's excellent. For now, since they're family, I think you should take one for the team. These things are so insignifcant years later, and if your brother is a good dad, your soda or asking others to be polite aren't as important as his kid and wife. If he's a good brother and friend, he'll bite his tounge if circumstances mean you or your partner/kid have to be selfish I really hope this doesn't sound lame, but while he's learning to be a father and partner, learn to be a more tolerant sister.

(Im only guessing age, but I messed up royally when I was younger too, though my situation was grad school and working to maintain a grant, not job -- I think the latter is even more stressfull as most profs understand life happens, but many bosses don't care. If it wasn't for our families I don't know what would have happened, though somethings turned out the exact opposite of what I expected and planned for. Still making up for some things. Its all just learning.)

JMO, but I think roommates -- not people you love -- are a different situation entirely... maybe I'm simply sentimental over Dad's day.

 

[Fishyfanatic]

He's a great father, but I also don't think it's good to teach your child that it's ok to take take take take take without giving every once in a while. There is no strain in Dustin and I's relationship. That's the thing. We can argue till the sun goes down, but then two days later we are sitting up till 2:30 AM just talking about this and that. It's a great relationship if you ask me. We are two years apart, so we're really close. This won't strain the relatinoship between me and Dustin, that is solid as a rock and a fight over anything won't break it. It's just that I'm trying to deal with a woman my age who is inconsiderate. And I just don't know how to go about dealing with her.

I'm applying for jobs closer to my apt, so hopefully something will turn up. *fingers crossed*

 

[deli_conker]

A buddy of mine had a similar situation. He'd have a case in the fridge and it would disappear when all of us friends stopped by on the weekend. He solved it by charging us 25 cents per can. It made us think about how much we were actually drinking and helped him replenish what was drank by others.

If that doesn't work, keep you stash at your apartment and take what you need for the week. Assuming you have your own room, keep it in there. It's one thing if they are taking things needed to survive, but soda is a luxery.

Kids are stressful. But fun also. I have a 5 year old and a 14 month old. Some nights are better than others. That's the breaks. That's how the ball bounces and how the cookie crumbles. Deal with it.

But children also learn by example. I was at the pool once at an old apartment complex I used to live at. A little boy gets out of the pool, walks over to the fence, pulls down his pants and starts peeing. At first I was mad at the kid; what was he thinking?!? then I realized that his mother, who was at the pool, didn't say anything to him about. He had no idea that what he was doing was wrong. He simply didn't know any better...

As far as an inconsiderate roomate that you can't just "get rid of". Just keep it civil. You won't "win" because you are too close to the situation. You can only achieve mutual destruction. Just know that it can't last forever...

 

[TankGirl]

I'd just ignore it for now, since it is up to your parents to decide when they feel imposed on, and you are enjoying the benefits of the situation as well. Consider it the price you have to pay for being so close to work and not having to either move or get a weekday apartment to stay in.

My husband, daughter and I lived with my mother for a few months when we moved back to Virginia from Florida, and it was not horrible, but there was definitely some give and take involved - I hope I never have to share digs with anyone else again.

 

[dralarms]

Slap her and tell her to stay oput of your stuff.

 

[DeFeKt]

being young and having a 1 1/2 year old is one of the most stressful things in life, and dealing with that responsibility while finding time to nurture your partner, and finding a way to support a family, makes one shortsighted.

man i'm 24 and i've got 3 1/2 kids... I must be dead inside.

but I also don't think it's good to teach your child that it's ok to take take take take take without giving every once in a while

thats true, and he should confront his partner about this...without the carrying on...
In all reality, fighting makes people feel better or worse...But whats the point?
Is it going to solve anything?
It took me 4 years to realise one thing about people and situations like that
"Ignorance is Bliss"
Just Stash ur soda, stash whatever you want, it may be a pain in the butt, but what else can you do without confrontation?
Sounds to me like ur bro's gf is still in her teens.. or trying to be anyway.
Ignorance is Bliss my friend just let sleeping dogs lie.

 

[Fishyfanatic]

She's actually my age, 22 and he is 24.

I'm not venting as mentioned above, just asking for opinions on how to deal with grumpy roommates. I've never had to deal with them before. All through college I had great roommates, then me and James moved in together, and it's been great.

I got a 12 pack of soda tonight, put it in the fridge and looked her dead in the eye and said, If you touch it, you buy it. HAHA. It was too funny. She's becoming more pleasent tonight, but that's just because I lost it on her earlier. We'll just see how it goes. Thanks guys. Again, not venting, just needing opinion.

 

[DeFeKt]

haha when u leave for the weekend, shake em all up.
or punch a hole in the bottom and fill it with urine hehehe

 

[czcz]

man i'm 24 and i've got 3 1/2 kids... I must be dead inside.

Heh. I didn't mean to imply thats the yield of kids. I did mean to imply that, during the period, choosing between talking to my lady about her not drinking soda *or* sitting down and maybe not fighting wouldn't be a difficult choice. I suspect she would have called talking "lecturing." Its being a jerk out of selfishness -- an act of shortsightedness out of laziness ("stress" being the easy choice of worrying about a problem instead of solving it). No sob story.

 

[Guest]

As many of you probably know, during the week I stay at my parents house since it is a LOT shorter of a communte to work (1 1/2 hours from my apt and only 10 min from their house). I LOVE the weekends because I am out of here.

Do the commute more often, or even full-time!
That's the part that You control.
I'd do the drive, say every other day, keep almost all your stuff in the apartment. You'll get used to the commute, I do 130 mile round trip commute twice a week, through DC/Baltimore rush hour, so I know bad commutes.
If you and your sodas and stuff aren't there, you can't be bugged by the grumpy sis-in-law...

 

[Meredith]

I agree with lyquidphyre. Kill her with kindness. Be as sweet as you can be and then some. And when you leave for the weekend, fill a cooler with ice and take home what ever food and drink you bought during the week. Don't give her the opportunity to take your stuff. She knows the soda is yours, and she is taking it anyway.

 

[Toirtis]

Since my brother (Dustin) and his girlfriend (Mandi) had a son a year and a half ago, she has moved in. So Dustin, Mandi, and my nephew are living in the upstairs.

They refuse to buy their own beacuse they say they don't make enough money to support a child, car payments, insurance, and all the other expenses. SO they don't buy ANY groceries or give my parents money for rent or utilities, but they still continue to drink all mine and my parents' soda and eat all their food.

What would you guys do in my situation? I've tried talking to her but she just walks away. Her and Dustin are having screaming matches constantly. I don't think it was too much to ask that if they drink the soda, they should supply the next stock of it. What do you guys think?

Honestly? The the pair of them should be drowned in a stream like so many unwanted barn kittens.

I know that sounds unbelievably evil, but I have no patience or care for people that rather than make their way own their own, maliciously leech off the goodwill and familial love of their parents/inlaws (let me guess...little miss soda thief does not even have a job)....I hope your next post is to tell us that your parents came to their senses and pitched the lot out on their fattened behinds or bought a lock for the fridge. I know you are close to your brother, but if he (and your parents) allows himself and his family to continue on in this manner, the situation will in all likelihood, be the same in 5, 10, 15 years down the road.

 

[Andos99]

haha when u leave for the weekend, shake em all up.
or punch a hole in the bottom and fill it with urine hehehe

You just made me laugh.....thats funny

 

[DeFeKt]

Toirtos, lol
I didn't wanna say it.

 

[fishyrican]

Tortois, corvuscorax. Very well put. Seriously, the bottom line is that all of you may be imposing, one way or another, on your parents. If your parents are like mine, they may not say anything, but still feel it. You are concerned about sharing the soda, your parents are sharing their house, bathroom, water, electricity, privacy, etc...

If it is a major concern, you may want to consider the commute. I did 100+ miles/day for almost five years. You may be saving time and money, but it does not sound like anybody is having any fun.

Sorry, don't mean to butt in, but the logic of the gripe was a little puzzling. I'm really glad things are starting to mellow out. It is absolutely normal that all those people in different stages of life (older parents, new parents, single person) would grate on each other at some time. Good luck.

 

[deli_conker]

Another thing you could do is lick all of the can tops in front of her. Or better yet, tell her that 3 of the 12 spent some time down your pants; do you feel lucky?