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Old 03-04-2005, 01:09 PM   #1
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An email I got about the english language.

Thought this was cute.

Why English is so hard to learn:

If you ever feel stupid, then just read on. If you've learned to speak
fluent English, you must be a genius! This little treatise on the lovely
language I share is only for the brave. Peruse at your leisure, English
lovers. Reasons why the English language is so hard to learn:

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to
present the present.
8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail
18) After a number of injections my jaw got number.
19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple, nor
pine in pineapple.

English muffins weren't invented in England, or French fries in France.
Quicksand works slowly.
Boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea, nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't
groce and hammers don't ham?
If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth Beth?
One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 mese?
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend.
If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of
them, what do you call it? Is it an odd, or an end?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers draught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?
Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?
Have noses that run and feet that smell?
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.
English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the
creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all.
That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the
lights are out, they are invisible.

P.S. - Why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "quick"?

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Old 03-04-2005, 01:14 PM   #2
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Funny. Reminds me of Gallagher. I Like it.


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Old 03-04-2005, 01:30 PM   #3
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thats hilarious
Old 03-04-2005, 01:33 PM   #4
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I'm still having trouble with:

We park in a driveway and drive on a parkway.
Does your sidewalk?
And what's the whole thing with the "Ph" sounds like "F", why not just use "F"

Pretty funny stuff Meredith!
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Old 03-04-2005, 01:43 PM   #5
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And what's the whole thing with the "Ph" sounds like "F", why not just use "F"
I work at an Insurance Brokerage and one day I was reading a VIN back to a client and I said, P as in Paul, R as in Roger, F as in Phone. HAHA. He started laughing and I couldn't figure out why and then I realized, oh geez.
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Old 03-04-2005, 02:39 PM   #6
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Also the whole "gh" makes the f sound too. Enough. So I started spelling fish on my saved pictures as ghish.
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Old 03-04-2005, 02:55 PM   #7
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That's pretty funny.

I wasted about 3 years of my life in French. Can someone tell me why a "house" is feminine? Why does any inanimate object have a sexual orientation? I also thought formal/informal was pretty stupid too.

Give me English any day.
We'll be fighting in the streets with our children at our feet, and the morals that they worshipped will be gone.

And the men who spurred us on sit in judgment of all wrong, they decide and the shotgun sings the song.

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Old 03-06-2005, 11:40 PM   #8
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I teach 5 through 9 year old non-English speaking kids english all day - imagine their frustration, and mine with our ridiculous language. Sometimes it's funny. Even I get confused!
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Old 03-07-2005, 10:01 AM   #9
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As an english major.. everything about what we have to do is crazy but imagine there was only one language.. how boring would that be..

The English language is the hardest to learn
Don't be koi with me

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Old 03-07-2005, 10:14 AM   #10
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Those are some good things to think about. Nice post, I enjoyed it.
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