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Old 07-25-2005, 12:39 PM   #1
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Bad Relationship but Happiness from fishtanks

If it wasn't for the fishtank hobby, I'd go insane with my life right now. I had a long distance girlfriend for 9 years. I used to live in Glendale, Sunny Souther California. We moved in together less than 2 years ago. With that, I moved out here in ugly Maryland in the name of love. After the infatuation phase of living together, she suddenly wants to get the feeling of being single. She fantasizes about being single, she told me. After all that sacrifice, it really sucks.

Easy to say "Leave her" but it's more complicated than that if you invested that much time of your life to it.

For what it's worth, because of me moving here, I got in to the fish hobby since this is probably one of the most boring places I've lived in America. Nothing beats Southern California. The ladies, the friends, the weather, the sites, everything. Earthquake, brush fire, and smog is overrated. There's smog here too. Plus you get humid heat and freezing cold. It's enough to say I'd rather be in Southern California.

Anyways, I just want to share to you guys that we all feel the same happiness that people that aren't in the hobby does not feel regarding fish tanks.

We have a better awareness of the environment (the ocean, the lakes etc). We have a better appreciation of the reef. Plus, we share this excitement of coming home to fish tanks. I just want to thank all of you guys for being in this forum. It really makes me feel happy while I am going through some rough time with an ungrateful woman.

Why are women ungrateful to nice men. then they complain that they can't find nice men...that all men are dogs. For what it's worth, most men love fun but when they find the women of their dreams, they treat these women like a princess. However, the women usually then takes the man forgranted.
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Old 07-25-2005, 02:13 PM   #2
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ahhh but to see into the TRUE mind of a woman, is what male philosofers have been trying to do for centeries, in my advice the best thing to do would be to talk about it, and as simple as it may sound alot of people forget it, i dont have a inward view of your relationship so that is all i can tell you, but if you truely love her you can try to persude her that your relationship is still so fun!


Whoa......gota take a breather, but listen wait till everyone else post about their feelings on the matter, becuse im only 15 and im sure everone else has more seasoned advice!
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Old 07-25-2005, 02:14 PM   #3
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That really stinks. Its hard to say why some people do what they do. I know its hard right now, but things will get better. This may sound harsh, but at least it was only 2 years and not 10. It sounds like you need to make a move to CA. Good luck to you.
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Old 07-25-2005, 06:05 PM   #4
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This is quite a topic. I'm sure there are countless philosophies but I think I know what you're eluding to archie. I think it was Woody Allen that said "I wouldn't belong to any club that would have me as a member". It may have been Groucho Marx. Anyway, there's volumes to analyze in that statement.

The point I'm trying to make is that some people (men and women), only want what they can't have. Once they obtain what they THINK is a perfect relationship, it somehow tarnishes and loses value over time. These are types that will always seek greener pastures. You can't force someone to want you. You're better off understanding that this isn't the ideal mate, wish her well and move on. JMO
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Old 07-25-2005, 06:23 PM   #5
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ahhh yes i like brians post
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Old 07-25-2005, 06:56 PM   #6
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If she can't decipher the difference between what's real with fantasy and is then willing to throw it all away, you deserve much better. It's hard to take sides, but it sounds like you have made the commitment, a cross-country move is huge, and she blew it off because the romance fizzled. It's too bad she didn't realize that the "honeymoon" phase is only that.....a phase. After that, follows compromise and understanding, which I'm sure you already know. If you haven't already, get back to cali ASAP! I would be excited about getting back to what I know and starting over with someone who will really appreciate everything you have to offer. I would bet that she'll be calling in a matter of weeks, once she realizes what she gave up......just be strong and remember who's the better man. Good luck to ya.....at least you have your tanks to occupy your mind.
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Old 07-25-2005, 10:21 PM   #7
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this is a really interesting subject,

Quote:
However, the women usually then takes the man forgranted.
I hear ya.
Not that i've got anything against women,
and there is always 2 sides to the story,
just be glad you didn't spend the two years being manipulated by the other half by use of a beautiful baby boy. or did you?
It's not fair to anyone.
Andos and Brian are right. my guess is the novelty wore off for her. like a child with a new toy.
You do deserve better.
Best of luck.
Just remember, don't sweat the small stuff. It just isn't worth it.
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Old 07-25-2005, 10:23 PM   #8
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As a native and life-long Marylander, please go back to California!

Buh Bye!!!
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Old 07-27-2005, 08:07 AM   #9
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I think I drove through maryland once....and delaware in like an hour LOL. JK No offense corvus. I spent some time in southern NJ, and hated it. so freakin humid, like the south almost!!

I know its hard to leave after investing your money, job, time and emotions moving cross country for someone. Not knowing either of you, but it sounds like shes infatuated with the beginning of a relationship. When everything is new and relations are....well you know Being in a long distance relationship is alot different than living together. You dont see each other hardly and only talk occasionally. But when you do get together, watch out! Sparks! But when youre together every day and the realities of life are there, it sucks the romance like a vacum.
But all relationships go through stages, and if people expect it to be hot and heavy forever, they will never be in a relationship long. Sounds like she wants that new exilirating feeling like when you first go with someone.
I actually met my husband on the internet (when it was considered ultra-looserish) and he moved from NJ to CA to marry me, that was 7 years ago.
So don't give up, and come back to CA. Not right now though, its like 110 degrees Dont waste your time with someone that doesnt love you.
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Old 07-27-2005, 09:32 AM   #10
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In the words of the late great Notorious B.I.G. ..... I'm goin goin back back to CALI CALI!!!!!!

Hit the road man, don't stand around and waste your time if she wants to live in a fantasy world ... trust me she'll never be able to realize the difference. It's sad to see this happen to anyone, man or woman alike, and there really isn't anything anyone can say that will sway your decision either way! You have the power to make the choice for what is right and wrong, by your post I think you have pretty much made that decision and now just need to act upon it! Get back to Cali and enjoy life to it's fullest man. It sounds as though you had some good people out there and really enjoyed life being in Cali.

I spent 3 years of my life with a chick who was playin me since day one ... same thing moved to be with her LODI DODI DA and all that jazz, and BAM 1 month later she tells me that it isn't going to work because she liked being on her own 8O 8O 8O .... I split QUICK! No need for that man ... now I am happily married and have a beautiful daughter and wouldn't change a thing in my life. My mother God bless her soul ... always told me that things happen for a reason, and after the last 3 years of my life I have finally realized it's true. This could be your wake up call right here, the break you had been needing and not realized!

Good luck and best wishes,
Jermz
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