Get over it!

[uscamaro]

Ok, so basically I'm venting. I read this forum constantly because I have nothing else really to do at work, but something has been irking me for the past few months...

When you (anyone who posts) ask for help or suggestions from other members, please...

DO NOT GET OFFENDED OR PISSY JUST BECAUSE SOMEONE IS STATING THEIR 2¢, WHICH IS WHAT YOU ASKED FOR IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!

Seriously, when you state you unknowingly did something, and someone corrects you or tells you what you did wrong, don't get mad. If that's how you're going to react, go to the library and read a book.

99% of posters are trying to help, and thankfully, with enough of them being avid aquarists with years and years of experience, they help others out, then the others continue the help.

I forget who's signature this is in, but someone has this quote:

"If you don't help Newbies, they will grow"


So please, either toughen your skin and take the advice you don't like, or don't post things saying, "you're mean, and my feelings were hurt".


Thank You!

 

[maxst2]

True story. Can't say I haven't seen this one. They get all moody when they find out they got had from their LFS. What a tang can't go in a 10g tank?!

 

[Turbosnail]

Why are you so mean, my feelings are hurt. lol

 

[trackfast]

+1 !
And maxst2, I think I just read that thread! "Well the guy at the lfs told me a tang was good for my tank." A tang in a nano; jeez! I'm sure the person at the LFS will sell you as many things as you want; you can kill it and come back for more.

 

[Jason7894561230]

I think this thread may be a bit over the top, some people need to be told differently to others. Some people have more sensitive feelings. So take it easy on them.

 

[uscamaro]

DO NOT GET OFFENDED OR PISSY JUST BECAUSE SOMEONE IS STATING THEIR 2¢

I think this thread may be a bit over the top, some people need to be told differently to others. Some people have more sensitive feelings. So take it easy on them.

...c'mon

 

[jenatron]

See, I'm fine with telling it how it is, but some people do have issues distinguishing between to-the-point and just rude. But I'm not gonna say you're wrong about people being too defensive sometimes.

 

[melosu58]

There are two points here. 1) Everyone is allowed to post their two cents worth as mentioned above. When you post a post with a question then everyone can post whether we like the answer or not. You just post your 2 cents worth and move on and let the OP decide which he deems good or not. We cant flame anyone for their opinion as we dont know their experiences and knowledge. 2)We do have to be kind and not rude on everything we do here at AA. My thinking is do other posters as you want to be treated.

 

[uscamaro]

See, I'm fine with telling it how it is, but some people do have issues distinguishing between to-the-point and just rude. But I'm not gonna say you're wrong about people being too defensive sometimes.

So true. That's why I'm saying it here in a separate post. If I were to post this on a thread, it's guaranteed I'd hurt someone's feelings and probably demoralize a few people, especially the OP. I'm not singling anyone out at all, it's just a general statement aimed towards people who expect everyone to walk on needles when sending a response.

Basically, I feel that if you want good advice, you're going to have to take the criticism. A knowledgeable veteran of this hobby should not have to spend time rethinking what they're going to say just to make sure no one's feelings get hurt (and in nooo way am I saying that I am 1 ).

 

[trackfast]

I agree that everyone should be able to post their two cents. It's just that when helpful suggestions are offered, they shouldn't be countered with "That's not what the guy at the LFS told me" . If that is the attitude of person asking for advice, shouldn't they just skip this forum and go to the guy at the LFS?

 

[abushr]

I think alot of people get into it without really finding out what is involved in it before they start. I know I did, but I'm a stubborn gal & joined several online forums & bought books & researched like a maniac!
Sadly at alot of lrg petstores dont tell these people all the time & hard work involved if you want to have a nice healthy tank (because the assoc. knows little or nothing about salt tanks, and stock is moved so quickly that they dont differentiate between normal/sick fish & coral behaviors).
I cant tell you how many times I've heard the assoc. tell the customer how easy salt tanks are. I generally try to find a polite way to intercede... I stress that they must have the time, money & patience for this hobby. I love my tanks but they take up alot of time for just basic maintenance ( testing, water changes, etc), my hubby doesnt refer to my tank as a money pit for nothing....lol.
Yep, newbies sometimes ask the craziest things....but be honest....we've all done stupid newbie mistakes. I still consider myself a newbie...And no matter how long you've been at it.... one crazy little unexpected thing can send your system into a fit and circling the toilet bowl. With the baffled owner wondering what the _____ went wrong while they are furiously doing water changes, adding charcoal/activated carbon, testing EVERYTHING, and mentally tabulating the expense of what died, and mourning the death of salty friends.
All that said, I agree, newbies tend to be easy to offend (maybe because they are confused about the lack of info or conflicting info). Constructive critisism is easy to give, but not always so easy to take, especially if you already feel like an overwhelmed idiot. We just need to offer help/advice when we can & hope they dont get mad. We help educate them when they let us. And try not to get to frustrated & irritated after offending them....lol.
I look at it this way, if I'm sick of "whiny, hurt feelings" of newbies---then I quit opening posts with subjects that tell you its going to be a "dumb newbie question".

 

[uscamaro]

I look at it this way, if I'm sick of "whiny, hurt feelings" of newbies---then I quit opening posts with subjects that tell you its going to be a "dumb newbie question".

Well not all posts are titled "Dumb Newbie Question" (in fact there aren't all that many), they are posts requesting suggestions/recommendations about certain topics/equipment. I open these posts in hopes of helping the person out like tons of people helped me out over the years. Heck, even some of the thread titles grab my attention because I see a learning opportunity. The annoying part happens after the first couple of posts.

So am I going to completely ignore or even leave the forum because a few people are complaining? No. I will continue to give my input to people I feel that I can help out. I'm not sure you fully understand the point of this thread, considering you haven't been here for a whole day yet.

 

[Filbey]

I concur!!! GET OVER IT DORRIS!!

 

[trackfast]

Ok, so basically I'm venting. I read this forum constantly because I have nothing else really to do at work, but something has been irking me for the past few months...

When you (anyone who posts) ask for help or suggestions from other members, please...

DO NOT GET OFFENDED OR PISSY JUST BECAUSE SOMEONE IS STATING THEIR 2¢, WHICH IS WHAT YOU ASKED FOR IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!

Seriously, when you state you unknowingly did something, and someone corrects you or tells you what you did wrong, don't get mad. If that's how you're going to react, go to the library and read a book.

99% of posters are trying to help, and thankfully, with enough of them being avid aquarists with years and years of experience, they help others out, then the others continue the help.

I forget who's signature this is in, but someone has this quote:

"If you don't help Newbies, they will grow"


So please, either toughen your skin and take the advice you don't like, or don't post things saying, "you're mean, and my feelings were hurt".


Thank You!

I just read a thread and it reminded me of your post. I'm still backing you 100%. lol

 

[OhNeil1969]

I think most people get offended when they don't get the answer they wanted! They really want that discus/african cichlid community tank and really don't want to hear otherwise. The only time I get peeved about a response is when I feel the responder never really read the original post. The responder keys in on a few catch phrases and jumps in with their answer. I have to admit I've been guilty of that. I think both sides of the conversation need to adjust their perspectives. People asking questions should try to view the response from a open-minded position. Those that are replying should be just as open minded if not more. I'm reminded of this quote: "To whom much is given, much is required." We may be more experienced or knowledgeable but that means we have a greater responsibility. But then again, that's just my 2 cents.

 

[mandy2936]

This reminds me of a recent thread I started, asking questions about one of my fish that has swim bladder.

Well, the first thing to do is STOP REPLACING FISH! Once you get all this sorted out, slowly add more. Not to be rude or harsh, just for the sake of the fish.

I replied,

Not harsh at all. I am always open to advice, and afterall, I did post this thread to get help, which means that someone needs to tell me what I am doing wrong. So actually, thanks for the heads up. I only added a new Tetra once, when that one died of Popeye, to boost the school back up. However, if it's better to stop introducing new fish without a QT until I sort this problem out, that's fine with me.

I mean, if you ask a question, how do you not expect people to give you answers like that? 99% of the time they are trying to help your situation. Chances are, for example, when you ask a question because you are having problems with a tank, how do you not expect people to tell you what you are doing wrong? If you were doing everything perfectly, you wouldn't have an issue in the first place. I need someone to tell me that I'm doing something wrong, so I can fix it. Otherwise, no one is helping the situation, or the fish, for that matter.

I think when people get upset, it sometimes is because they take things differently, or are more sensitive. No one wants to hear that they are doing things wrong, but you have to, in order to things right! I think that unless the situation is really that bad, or the OP is just NOT listening and doesn't plan to do the right thing, there is no need to be too harsh. Another reason people might seem offended is because in the moment they might be frustrated, or a bit upset. "Whaa?? You mean that even after all that advice from the LFS I can't keep that beautiful, brand new Oscar in my 10 gallon? "

Arguing when it comes to opinions, or posting rudely is a different, though. However, that's a whole other topic.

 

[OhNeil1969]

Arguing when it comes to opinions, or posting rudely is a different, though. However, that's a whole other topic.

I know what you mean. I've seen so many newbie threads hi-jacked by others while they argue over who's advice is right. I realize that we all want to give the best advice we can. And I can't imagine someone deliberately giving advice that is harmful. I think the thing we need to remember is that everything we say on this forum is our OPINION! Sometimes we can back it up with strong data and that's good. But the one thing I've realized listening to people hear on this forum and the people, both good and bad, at the LFS's is that there usually isn't just one right answer. And because of that I try to offer advice that I believe in and have found to work knowing that sometimes it may not be the best advice for the OP. Thinking that way keeps me humble. As a result, I try harder to "sound" polite. I consider it a gift for ME if someone acknowledges and appreciates my advice.

 

[TraceyB4602]

I think most people get offended when they don't get the answer they wanted! They really want that discus/african cichlid community tank and really don't want to hear otherwise.

I concure. I have been keeping tanks for over 4 years but I still have questions all the time. And if you ask questions you have to expect answers. Sometimes they're not what you want to hear but you asked and everyone will give their opinion.

Even with my short time on this board, I have witnessed people get so involved with certian subjects and take over the post from the OP, and I don't think that is right either. If it has to do with the Original posters post then ok but if it completly rears in another direction I think it should be talked about in A. another post or B. through PM's.

Sent from my iPhone using Aquarium

 

[mfdrookie516]

Even with my short time on this board, I have witnessed people get so involved with certian subjects and take over the post from the OP, and I don't think that is right either. If it has to do with the Original posters post then ok but if it completly rears in another direction I think it should be talked about in A. another post or B. through PM's.

Sent from my iPhone using Aquarium

To be somewhat defensive on this, there are exceptions. I agree that plain old arguing, especially if its off topic of the thread, is plain rude. There are situations though, where a debate is had in a thread on the subject of the thread. What most of us do not want is for misinformation to be given. Whether its to the OP, people who read the thread on the forum, or people who just stumble upon the thread via google.

There are many ways of doing things in this hobby though. What works for one person may not work for another. That's completely different, and purely based on the experience and opinion of the poster.

 

[DragonFish71]

Alright, who has been in my head and some of the other mentors/mods/admins?

Seriously, I can relate to the frustration. I've never been one to sugar coat anything. I tell it bluntly and to the point. I think it's disrespectful to tell it any other way. I'd honestly rather someone tell me my skirt doesn't match my top than let me think I look fine, know what I mean?

I see fish keeping as a long term investment. I want my fish to have good long lives. Thriving instead of just surviving. It bothers me when I lose any for any reason (other than age of course) and of course I blame myself. We just lost 3 dojos and can't figure out why. LFS had them for 2 months, the tank we put them in was cycled, water parameters perfect, weekly cleanings, Prime as always etc. But we lost the cool lil guys. Heck, had a tank crash a few months ago and lost over 100 neon tetras after a water change. Things happen, I know that, but that doesn't mean I take it lightly.

My point is, yeah, I will flat out go "toe to toe" about the care of fish, especially specialty fish like dragon gobys and BW tanks. Why? Because people need to know proper care for whatever they are buying. "But it's just a fish." Pffffffffffft. It's still a living critter that you are taking on the responsibility of caring for.