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Old 05-04-2014, 01:49 PM   #11
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Being a parent I kind of see where she is coming from , she is not being mean she is thinking a week down the line you will get bored and start to neglecting the tank leaving it up to her to take care of it , I also been there done that when I was around 8 or so I can see her perspective prove to her your going to be responsible taking care of your tank get her more involved explaining things she may or may not know about fish keeping , show her this site explore the world of fish together once you show her you are taking charge of the tank not needing to be told , you'll be surprised she'll come around and the best part is you and her will become even closer good luck
excellent advice, I dumped multiple tanks on my mom including fire belly toads and a snake.. Just win her over and research awesome fish and show her pictures! Pictures are good
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Old 05-05-2014, 07:36 AM   #12
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Would you be comfortable living with 20 people in a 400 sq foot house that you cannot leave ever and someone drops food on your head and everyone poops on the floor ? That is how your 20 fish would feel in. 40 gallon


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What are you trying to suggest with this analogy?? That one person would be perfectly happy to live in a 400sq foot house that they could never leave, having food dropped on their head and using the floor for a toilet??

I think what you suggested is completely unhelpful to the op.

To the OP. Use aquadvisor.com to check your stocking. Some fish create a lot of waste and others very minimal. You could have lots of nano fish in a tank your size!
Just got to work on the step mum. Be nice!!
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Old 05-05-2014, 02:50 PM   #13
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16-20 fish in a 40 gallon is a bit much I think. We have a 25 gallon with 7 and I think that is a good balance. Sure some fish need to live in groups, but not all do. Also not all fish are compatible with one another. Would you be comfortable living with 20 people in a 400 sq foot house that you cannot leave ever and someone drops food on your head and everyone poops on the floor ? That is how your 20 fish would feel in. 40 gallon tank. If you want 20 fish get a 80 gallon tank at least. In your case I would stick with no more than 10 fish, maybe 1 or two kinds that are compatible with each other - like get one kind of mid-top dwellers and some small cat fish.

On another note, when my four year old demands a cookie before dinner he too thinks that I understand neither cookies nor him When I don't let him watch bat man he thinks I understand neither batman nor him as well.

On a yet another note, I am a child of divorced parents myself and I know that it is tough to bond with step parents. However, fighting with your stepmom doesn't help your cause. So like others said you have to talk to her and find out why she said no.


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I was exaggerating. But seriously 4 fish??
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Old 05-05-2014, 02:53 PM   #14
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That sounds super frustrating and hugely disappointing if you thought you were going to get a lot of fish on that trip. I'd be really angry too.

Try using aqua advisor's website to plan out a fish population for the tank, that say it's stocked to 100% or less.

And then find out what her concerns were. I was a near stepmom to a teenager who wanted a snake and was the bad guy but what it came down to is I'd have to take care of the snake a lot when it wasn't our custody period. And I had enough on my plate.

I don't recall whether you said the tank was cycled or not? If not that's another reason to not get so many fish.

Have you explained your plan to her about what you will do with the babies if you breed them? Do you also have a plan for who is paying for everything?

Again back to the snake thing, we asked her to do a full plan of how she'd pay for things and a plan for earning the money and she wouldn't do that. We also asked that she show responsibility by doing her chores for a month without being reminded and some other stuff to show the pet wouldn't end up being our problem.

A fish tank is a lot to take care of. Do you have a plan for water testing and water changes?

Maybe go to her and say "I'd like to understand your concern about the fish" and listen really well. Then come up with a plan to show you know those fish are ok in that tank, and how you will take full responsiblity. Feel free to rehearse it here, we can help make sure you didn't miss anything.

There's also a great book, the simple guide to freshwater aquariums, with stocking schemes for 29 and 50 gallon tanks. You could select the quantities in between and maybe if she sees it in a book or on Aqua Advisor she will feel more comfortable.

But mainly it's going to be important to do a lot of listening. You can't change someone's mind till you know where they are coming from. And going around her to your dad is just going to create a whole new set of problems. It's not fair to get him stuck in the middle between you and her.

What fish did you want to get?
The tank has been cycled and running for 6 months, although I only had 3 fish in it. I have had my 10 gallon running for a year though. My parenst know I am very responsible.
I do water changes everyday, and test water every other day.
She says she doesnt want more because that would be too many fish.
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Old 05-05-2014, 02:57 PM   #15
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She know I'm responsible. The tanks been running for 6 months, I have had fish for 1+ years.
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Old 05-05-2014, 03:04 PM   #16
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STUPID parents

Why do you do a water change every day and test every other? Sounds a little excessive to me. Unless your tank is in the middle of a cycle or extremely overstocked.
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Old 05-05-2014, 09:58 PM   #17
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Also, adding 15-20 fish to a tank used to the bioload of only 3 fish could cause a huge mini cycle.
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Old 05-13-2014, 01:47 AM   #18
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Typo. Water change every week. Water test every few days,
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Old 05-13-2014, 01:48 AM   #19
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There were more..... They died. I had a columnaris outbreak a few weeks backl
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Old 05-13-2014, 12:27 PM   #20
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There were more..... They died. I had a columnaris outbreak a few weeks backl
Now the truth comes out

Thats why she won't let you get any fish
look at it in her point of view you probably would do the same thing
if you were in her shoes ,
give your tank time to recover before adding any new fish
you had a disease in your tank it just don't disappear because the dead fish were removed , just adding new fish don't resolve a prior issue
those new fish would most likely contract that disease and die again if the issue wasn't addressed correctly
"Sorry kid" I'm with your step mom on this one
but once you address your issues and resolve them she will most likely
help you get new fish
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