How supportive are your partners in this hobby?

[weekf]

Whatever I do, my wife just won’t give the support I need. Well, at least not saying the words I would like to hear. No matter how beautiful your tank is, she will just say: “it’s ok”, “looks normal”, “nothing special” that sort of things. She won’t go: “Wow, that’s beautiful!”, “that looks nice, hubby”, “unbelievable nice looking fish” etc etc. I just don’t know how to impress her with my tank.

Sometimes I ask her: “you really think they are only 'ok'?”, she will say: “well it’s nice, but you have spent too much $$$ on it.” That’s it! Whatever you need to spend money on they will not like it. I am into some other hobbies as well not just this one and all of them involve investing lots of $$$ that already put them off from the start, how can they be impressed by the results? What's worse sometimes I even have to make up a fake cheaper price for the stuffs I bought. Example a skimmer cost $100.00 I will only tell her I only spent $50 on it. So not to give her a heart attack.

Conclusion: If you get good result without spending any money, women will always be impressed. If you are going to put a great deal of $$$ into it to get that same result, forget it. Anyone in the same situation as me?

 

[fishman]

Solution to this problem..find something SHE spends a lot of money on and do the same to her! Honestly my wife was the same way at first but now she is after me more to get stuff than what I want to gte for myself! We both agree she has her hobbies and I have mine!

 

[greeneyes]

My Husband is very enthusiastic about my hobby.
He always says how good the tank looks & makes positive comments on mu purchases.
It is my hobby.But he enjoys the tank too(maybe not as much as me)

 

[Sadielynn]

Mine hates it . Till he saw something that he wanted but he is still not overly supportive at all ... I have never heard him say wow love it , most of the time the response is how much is that gonna cost us ? I have done the 2 micro picos and he refuses to look at them , or the 7 the 10 he is forced to as it is in the living room. So to answer the question at hand he is not very supportive

 

[weekf]

Oh? I am surprise there are more female aquarists here than male. Am I the only one??? Some MALES voice out please? Let's hear some guys' experiences.

 

[roka64]

I would take her to the LFS and have her browse, she may see something that gets her interest. Tanke an interest in one of her hobbies. Let her teach you and you teach her. To be honest, I wouldn't lie about the prices, she probably has a general idea of cheap over expensive. Maybe try to explain why you need something, or set up a budget, that you both can agree upon and not exceed. My fiance doesn't say anything to me. I think I know what she is thinking, but I am honest and take her with me to the LFS. At first she didn't take an interest, but now, she is slowly taking an interest. Like, "Oh, look at this, or What is that?" Just give it time, explain things, share, learn and have fun. That's just my $.02....
Good luck and keep us posted.

 

[melosu58]

At the begining my wife had nothing to do with my tank. She said I spent more time on it then her. Then I decided that maybe she was right and then I spent more time doing the things that she wanted to do. I actually spent something more valuable than money on my wife. It was called TIME. I also let my wife make some of the choices as far as corals and fish and she got more involved. Now when she sees those corals and fish she says there`s my fish and or coral. It makes her feel like she`s a part of the process. Weekf this was a great post. It should cause alot of us to reflect.

 

[SeeDemTails]

Well, at first my girlfriend was all about the tank......

Until she realized how much time went into taking care of a nano reef! Then it was "You spend more time on the tank than with me", as others have said above. I thought about it.....she is a whiz, shes good at everything I throw at her and she loves to compete. I am a professional fishing guide in florida so we do a lot of fishing, and I think that is where some of it comes from. She always outfishes me.

So, rather than just drop the tank to spend more time with her....I choose to make it something we could both spend time on.....I bought her a tank!

I got her a 37 gal tank for the indoor window in our kitchen. She loves it. She is all about coral now and enjoys the hobby. She even made her own screen name to post pics of her fish and corals so everyone knew they were hers, not mine...which is awsome!

I still spend "too much time" with my tank though! .....Im working on it!

 

[onah]

Conclusion: If you get good result without spending any money, women will always be impressed. If you are going to put a great deal of $$$ into it to get that same result, forget it. Anyone in the same situation as me?

every guy u know!lol, wel its not all true though, if u spend alot of money on her instead they get happy to!lol

 

[JDogg]

my wife gets mad if i go to the lfs without her, my 28 gallon is even "her tank", thus the stocking is not what i would do, but by letting her have some control over that tank, i get to do what i want with the other ones

 

[Fluff]

My husband is super supportive. He finances my obsessions as well as gives me constant encouragement. Granted, he doesn't take part in the labor area (I wouldn't expect him to since they are my tanks after all ) but he's always there giving me pep talks when I get discouraged and will often tell me how nice the tanks are looking.

 

[dianeww]

Very interesting.

My husband is very supportive. He loves the aquarium. But our situation may be a little different. He's retired, and I took a part-time job (guess why!!!). I have a separate account for what I earn part-time, and I take from it to support my hobby. On the other hand, he also has a rather expensive hobby (model railroading), which is supported by our retirement fund and social security! I guess it all works out. I enjoy the trains, and he enjoys the fishies!

PS There's been talk here for years about putting a model train around my outside pond...I'd love that!

PPS Shouldn't this move to the lounge where the freshies and pond-keepers could join in?

 

[roka64]

I think you have a valid point! LOL! I was just caught up in the subject matter.

 

[lando]

Moved to the lounge so everyone can enjoy...

My wife is neutral. While we do not agree on just how expensive this hobby is, we both enjoy looking at the tanks.

 

[beachbumin]

My fiance is very fickle about my tank but usually is pretty impartial. Although when I occasionally hang a skimmer on the side(the only place it can fit with the HOB fuge) I have been known to get a tounge lashing!!! All and all my fiance sounds a lot like your wife weekf, she usually says "tank looks ok" and I try to talk about the $$$ involved as little as possible.

 

[rich311k]

My wife is very supportive, She lets me know when she likes the tanks. She also gives me the business if she think I am lacking on something. She talks to the fish. She likes that my hobby keeps me at home, I am just a yell away. As long as I don't get crazy she doesn't complain about the money involved.

 

[Lepomis]

My wife likes all the tanks. Can she pick out a guppy from a discus, no way. She wants nothing to do with the tank, just something visuallly pleasing. She really likes the tank I placed in the bedroom. I went ahead and spent more money on substrate and lights that the other tanks. She noticed the results quickly and started asking why I don't switch over the 5 tanks downstairs to similar set ups. I explained how much it would run telling her the 84 gallon and 75 would get pricey. She is fine with it because she knows I enjoy it. For money issues just ask your wife how much she spent on the wash, cut, highlights, etc... the next time she gets her hair done ($240 dollars my wifes last visit).

 

[Jchillin]

It took me awhile to get my wife assimilated and the job is not over yet. She did take over the 30g FW tank and it has become hers. No help with maintenance but she dotes over all of the fish, with the exception of Cliff whom she believes is an alien lifeform.

 

[Fishyfanatic]

My husband and I got into them together around the Finding Nemo craze. It started out with a 10 gal and grew from there. We've been fish keepers together since Day 1 so I guess we both support each other. Since all the tanks are "ours", we give each other compliments all the time. I am the one that really takes care of the 55 and 29 while he takes care of the 150. Mainly because I'm not crawling out the window with the python and running the house across the roof into the office below the apt (the 150 is in my office since, thankfully, my boss loves fish. Plus, it's not really feasible to have a 150 on the second floor of a 105 year old building with soft pine floors).

 

[john0087]

My wife loves are tank and is very supportive. In fact, she gets mad when i forget to top off with fresh water and the level gets a little low.

She is very attached to 4 little fish and keeps me on my toes to make sure that I keep their world clean. She is very aware that they are truely dependand on me to keep their environemnt healthy, and she is also very aware that a lot of the livestock is collected from the ocean, so there is a lot of healthy pressure from her to keep our friends happy and heathly.