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Old 01-27-2006, 11:47 AM   #1
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I never realized just how awesome Jack Bauer is...

Someone sent me this, and it had me literally in tears (although I had seen a few before in reference to..."some other guy"). Anyway, just had to share.

Jack Bauer Facts

1. If you can see Jack Bauer, he can see you. If you cannot see Jack Bauer, you may be a mere instant away from death.
2. If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your life.
3. Jack Bauer counted to infinity. Twice.
4. Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.
5. Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.
6. Osama bin Laden's recent proposal for truce is a direct result of him finding out that Jack Bauer is, in fact, still alive.
7. Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.
8. Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.
9. Let’s get one thing straight, the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.
10. Jack Bauer is the leading cause of death in Middle Eastern men.
11. Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
12. 1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.
13. You can lead a horse to water. Jack Bauer can make him drink.
14. Jack Bauer’s calendar goes from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Jack Bauer.
15. When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer hates lemonade.
16. Jack Bauer can get McDonald's breakfast after 10:30.
17. Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.
18. If Jack Bauer worked in the Human Resources Department at CTU, there would be no moles working there.
19. Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.
20. Jack Bauer's favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.
21. Jack Bauer would laugh in the face of danger, but Jack Bauer doesn't laugh.
22. Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.
23. Simon Says should be renamed to Jack Bauer Says because if Jack Bauer says something then you better do it.
24. Those guys on Prison Break should give up, Jack Bauer will only hunt them down next season.
25. Jack Bauer got Hellen Keller to talk.
26. In 96 hours, Jack Bauer has killed 93 people and saved the world 4 times. What have you done with your life?
27. When Google can't find something, it asks Jack Bauer for help.
28. It is a little known fact that Jack Bauer's tears cure cancer. The problem is Jack never cries.
29. Don't ask what Jack Bauer would do for a Klondike bar...
30. Jack Bauer does not sleep. He waits.
31. David Spade always says 'yes' to Jack Bauer when he wants to redeem his credit card miles.
32. Jack Bauer literally died for his country, and lived to tell about it.
33. Every time Jack Bauer yells "NOW!" at the end of a sentence, a terrorist dies.
34. Children don't believe in Santa anymore because they know Jack Bauer killed him. The few people that believe in Santa know that Jack Bauer is torturing him.
35. Jack Bauer can sneeze with his eyes open.
36. If Jack Bauer had been on Oceanic 815 there would no Lost.
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Old 01-27-2006, 11:59 AM   #2
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Re: I never realized just how awesome Jack Bauer is...

Quote:
Originally Posted by bosk1
Someone sent me this, and it had me literally in tears (although I had seen a few before in reference to..."some other guy"). Anyway, just had to share.
Yeah. I like the Chuck Norris and Vin Diesel ones a little better (but I don't watch 24 either).
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Old 01-27-2006, 12:10 PM   #3
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And a lot of those aren't as..."family friendly." Besides, Jack Bauer ate Chuck Norris and Vin Diesel. In one sitting. And the waitress left him a tip.
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Old 01-27-2006, 01:05 PM   #4
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When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
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Old 01-27-2006, 03:00 PM   #5
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Chuck Norris = real person
Jack Bauer = fictional character

Chuck Norris > Jack Bauer

Chuck Norris FTW!
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Old 01-27-2006, 05:52 PM   #6
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Yes, but Chuck Norris voluntarily made Walker, Texas Ranger, and was immediately forced to surrender all of his cool points.
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Old 01-27-2006, 05:59 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bosk1
Yes, but Chuck Norris voluntarily made Walker, Texas Ranger, and was immediately forced to surrender all of his cool points.
Hmmmm. I don't know. When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.
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Old 01-27-2006, 06:06 PM   #8
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When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.
They would surrender to Sponge Bob Squarepants
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Old 01-27-2006, 06:36 PM   #9
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Man.. you cant beat the 'roundhouse kick to the face' stuff... when my husband and I saw the Chuck Norris site... we couldnt stop saying that. Come out of the restaraunt... you know what my steak needed, honey? Yep.. a round house kick to the face! Guess what the mailman is getting for Christmas next year... Roundhouse kick to the face!

Almost all of our conversations for weeks had some rounhouse action in it!! (Besides, our neighbor looks JUST like Chuck Norris... and does karate in his garage, has a punching bag the whole works)(Were afraid to get too close to make sure it ISNT Chuck Norris, we might get.... A ROUNDHOUSE KICK TO THE FACE!!!)
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Old 01-30-2006, 10:12 AM   #10
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Quote:
Man.. you cant beat the 'roundhouse kick to the face' stuff...
Yeah, I know. A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man's blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse to the face delivered by Chuck Norris.
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