Over Protective Mom

[FawnN]

Ok parents,

What is the normal age now a days for boys to be interested in girls? I have a 14 year old that has girls coming by constantly looking for him.

And just last night he asked me how old I was when I had my first kiss. Arghhhhh, not my baby!!! I"m having a hard time with this. My son and I are very open with one another. He is able to ask me anything and I will tell him honestly, no matter how much I don't want to. But......

No offense to any parents out there raising girls, but I have to say that these girls are dressing really riskque lately with the belly showing and low cut shirts.

I feel the girls ranging from 10-18 and even some mothers are wearing practically nothing now a days. What is up with that? Geeze, if I even attempted wearing that, my dad would have kicked my butt and locked me in the house.

My husband has to litterally hold me back from chasing the girls away with my broom. Any advice parents?

 

[BillyZ]

My husband has to litterally hold me back from chasing the girls away with my broom. Any advice parents?

while chasing them are you screaming, "You stay away from my baby!"? Cause, that would pretty much take care of your son's love life


I do have to agree with you on the way girls dress these days. Particularly the young teens and.. *shudder* pre-teens in mini-skirts and tight clothes. What parents would want a girl that young dressing that way? I guess i'm just old fashioned... ick... i'm just old is the problem lol.

 

[TankGirl]

I agree with you completely, as the mother of a 12-year-old daughter. She (fortunately, at least for the time being) is very modest and will not wear low-cut anything or anything with a bare midriff, but many of her classmates do not share her fashion sense.

I have heard of national reports on what goes on in American middle schools in general, and I must say it is shocking to hear, and I won't repeat it, but lets just say you are right to be protective.

I would discuss this with your husband and you and he mutually agree on some ground rules for dating. I think you need to come up with an age that you are comfortable with yourself, and stick to it. The age I come up with for my kids may not be the right choice for your family. I do think girls being interested in him, calling him, stopping by, etc. is perfectly normal at this age, though, and as long as you explain to him what is expected you have done what you can. Pay attention, close attention, to who comes around and let him know you are watching, and the girls too. I would not feel comfortable with him being alone with a girl until he was older, group activities being fine, but that is just me.

Good luck - I feel your pain!

 

[mentallylost]

When we were that age, our parents were feeling the same way about us and our clothes.

My first kiss was at 13. The rest came 2 years later.

 

[BillyZ]

When we were that age, our parents were feeling the same way about us and our clothes.

My first kiss was at 13. The rest came 2 years later.

Obviously your parents were right!

 

[Toirtis]

Ok parents,

What is the normal age now a days for boys to be interested in girls? I have a 14 year old that has girls coming by constantly looking for him.

I started in grade two...so about 7...really.

And just last night he asked me how old I was when I had my first kiss. Arghhhhh, not my baby!!! I"m having a hard time with this. My son and I are very open with one another. He is able to ask me anything and I will tell him honestly, no matter how much I don't want to.

Good, keep it that way..always...you will not be sorry.

No offense to any parents out there raising girls, but I have to say that these girls are dressing really riskque lately with the belly showing and low cut shirts.

Mine is 7½...I'm not there quite yet. LOL

I feel the girls ranging from 10-18 and even some mothers are wearing practically nothing now a days. What is up with that? Geeze, if I even attempted wearing that, my dad would have kicked my butt and locked me in the house.

I know...I feel cheated...I should be an 18 year-old buck now, not um...years ago.

My husband has to litterally hold me back from chasing the girls away with my broom. Any advice parents?

Make sure your son's common sense is intact, and hope he has learned well from you (and keep that casual, frank communication up)....believe it or not, that will go a lot farther than you can possibly imagine.....despite my own underage drinking/partying/sexual activity, common sense and what I learned from my parents is what kept me from making a lot of common, stupid mistakes a lot of my peers did. You cannot stop him from hanging-out/hooking-up with girls, just make sure his head is on straight and he knows that he can rely on you....even if it is for $5 for contraceptives.

 

[FawnN]

while chasing them are you screaming, "You stay away from my baby!"? Cause, that would pretty much take care of your son's love life

I would say that, but really want to say more. No, I haven't embarrassed the heck out of him.....yet.

As for his love life, he's too young! When I was growing up, I went out as big groups, but I didn't have my first real boyfriend until I was 16 going on 17.

And TG, I personally think for boys, you should be at least 17 (boys aren't very mature). No offense. There are already too many distractions and having a girlfriend or boyfriend is way too much. If I had it my way, I would have him locked up until he was 21. J/K, sort of.

 

[talloulou]

14 is definitely old enough to start liking girls, LOL! And as far as how the girls are dressing tell me about it......I have trouble buying clothes for my five year old that aren't slutty with words on the butt, skirts and shorts too short, shirts to short. And if that isn't bad enough now all the girls clothes have really bratty obnoxious and just plain ridiculous sayings on them. In fact I even have trouble buying clothes for me. Just try and find a nice pair of jeans you can bend over in without having plumbers butt.

 

[talloulou]

Oh and whatever you do try not to embarrass him (that would be the scraming get away from my baby thing with the broom)! LOL You don't want him to close down the lines of communication between the two of you and you don't want him to stop having his "girl" friends come around the house. Then you won't know what is going on ever. Remember keep your friends close and your enemies closer!LOL When my kids are teens I want my house to be the house they like hanging out at so I can keep an eagle eye on them!
So take a deep breath, set some limits, but play it cool......or you'll end up out of the loop.

 

[Fishyfanatic]

I was in high school not long ago (graduated in 2000) and girls didn't dress the way they do now. My neice is a Sophmore and I see her running around in the mini-skirts and low cut shirts that barely cover her bra and I think, how can my brother let her leave the house wearing that?! Kids are maturing at a lot younger age but being 14, that's still a bit young to be dating.

Group activities are great for kids that age. Heck, all through high school, none of us dated. We all just went out in groups. Girls in one car, guys in another. And I don't think you are being over-protective. Granted, I dont' have kids. But I treat my niece and nephews like they are my own. At Christmas my dad made Britnay put on one of my sweaters because she was wearing a low cut long sleeve t-shirt that was skin tight and came up above her belly button. Talk to your husband and get a game plan set into place and stick to your guns (not literally). And get to know his girl friends. You will be able to keep better tabs on your son if you talk to her like an adult. And think of it this way, for Birthday and Christmas' you can buy her clothes that actually cover her. That's what we did with Britany.

 

[shawmutt]

My first real kiss was at 11, everything else at 14 (including drugs/alcohol).

About 5th grade (my wife has some in 3rd) boys start to have trouble standing up in the classroom (nudge's as good as a wink to a blind bat), and then the boys start to take down their "boys only" signs and start to take an interest in girls.

If you or his father haven't had the sex talk yet, it's long overdue.

 

[mattrox]

Liking s is totally normal at 14. If you are open and talk there is less chance of going off and doing something stupid. The more he understands you and respects you the more likely he will be to listen and behave in a way to make you proud.

Boys do have hormones and things can go too far sometimes, so I believe they need to know how either to say, "No I am not ready" or be responsible for their actions, ie be prepared.

I agree with what Fishyfanatic says. Going out in groups is a good idea. It will probably be a while until he gets a steady friend anyway. Just don't panic. And make sure when you talk with him he doesn't feel like you are prying. It is a hard tight-rope to walk. I was painfully shy about talking to my parents about s and in hindsight, I think that was a bad thing.

 

[kansaschick08]

I agree with you FawnN. there are alot of girls going around with practically nothing on. There are a few girls in my grade that do that. those are the girls that are out doing the things that we, as minors, shouldn't be doing. My mother has faught with me and my sister's over low cut shirts.

Boys will be boys, atleast your son has good communication and can talk to you about stuff like that. don't freak out about him kissing girls, tell him that he needs to know when to stop, and to respect the girls.

My friends and I go out on group dates. it's not really dating because we are all just hanging out together.

anyhow, all the other stuff that was stated was very usefull. don't freak out about him kissing girls. dont send the "vibe" that you don't like the thought of it becuase he will start thinking that you arent cool with that. be open, tell him what he can and can't do. the way that my relationship wtih my mom is..i think that she would freak out if she found out that i have kissed a boy..bah oh well. i havent told her yet.

have fun and don't do anything stupid.

 

[rubysoho]

oh man, I went to the movies tonight and as a 21 y/o I think I have good fashion sense. I know when it is respectable to show a *little* more skin. For the movies I wore my capris and a t-shirt...that extended an inch past the waist of my pants.

Anyway, those girls under 16 are just asking for trouble. And so are their parents for letting them! I can't blame the kids so much as their parents for buying the clothing. They don't have to shop at stores that have a 6 inch piece of clothe designated as a $50 skirt!

About your son, I'm repeating the good advice already given by others for the sake of emphasis. Keep the communication open. Set guidelines that both you and your husband have already agreed upon. Get a nice entertainment center (doesn't have to be expensive) to put in your living room, or some other open area of the house that your boy can bring his friends to and hang out. And good luck! Take a deep breath. You will survive

 

[tracygh]

Fawn, I have a 14 year old daughter, and a 12 year old son (as well as some younger kids, but they don't pertain to this thread LOL)

Our rules are pretty basic. Dress modestly, waistbands can be no lower than 2 finger widths below your belly button, shirts must meet trouser waistbands and if it's underwear, it had better be completely UNDER clothing. As for "dating", it's group dates only, or a chaperone (mum or dad) comes. We have actually done this once, and it worked out ok. Yes, even my daughter said so. Phone calls are limited to one half hour phone call per day for my daughter, 15 minutes for my son (because he has several girls that call him) and are restricted to the hours of 8 am to 9 pm on school days, 9 am to 9 pm on weekends and holidays.
We have a very open door policy. Everyone is welcome in our home. We have a large open concept family room, and bought a combination pool/air hockey table for Christmas last year. I want to know where my kids are, what they are doing, and who they are doing it with. On a non-school night, it is not uncommon to find anywhere from one to six or seven kids sleeping over in my basement, and I know each and every one of them.

I guess my point in this ramble is this. Know your son. Keep that honest communication open. Know who is calling, know his friends. Keep your doors, your ears and your heart open.

Good luck

 

[FawnN]

Well, this weekend I found out the girl that likes him is only 12. He tells me they are just friends. On Sunday, he went to church with her and her parents.

When they are together, they are usually with a bunch of other kids, so I guess it's all good.

I did tell him that she is way too young and that he is just as young to have anything serious. I told him it's ok to hang out and talk, but nothing more. He assures me that is all they do.

My son is pretty shy when it comes to girls, but very outgoing with his guy friends. I trust him and he knows he can come to me with questions.

I can't help but be worried though. :?

 

[austinsdad]

You're right to be worried. My son is 14, 5'9", and a girl magnet. So far he's not going after them. I do have talks with him about "s". My main point (among others) is that you can die these days. That may sound harsh, but it's that important IMO.

Otherwise, like others said, keep the communication open. Squirm all you need to, but talk to him honestly.

I feel for you(s) with young daughters. If I had one, I'd probably own a gun.

 

[FawnN]

My concern is, she is the one pursing him and knowing how immature my son is, he doesn't see that she likes him more then a friend.

We had the sex talk when he was 12 and I was very open with him. Not by choice of course. He had actually asked when he was 11, how babies are made. He understood how they are made, but he didn't understand how point A got to point B. Yikes!

When he asked me that, I pictured the Simpson episode, when homer was descibing things.

 

[Toirtis]

We had the sex talk when he was 12 and I was very open with him. Not by choice of course. He had actually asked when he was 11, how babies are made. He understood how they are made, but he didn't understand how point A got to point B. Yikes!

I knew the whole thing when I was 6.....made me so much more aware of how poorly and incorrectly informed my friends were....the stuff you hear from fellow male playmates! Too informed is far better than lacking anything, especially when it comes to pregnancy and STD risks...its often an uncofortable talk, but can save your child a lifetime of woe.

 

[FawnN]

I agree 100% with you Toirtis. I wish my parents were open with me as I am with my son. Sx was never to be spoken in our house and what I did learn was from my friends, and like you said, was all wrong!

I guess that's why I got pregnant at 19 and now I'm terrified history will repeat itself regardless of how well informed he is. :? :?