some funnies

[Hara]

The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews and testing were done, there were 3 finalists...2 men and a woman.

For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the

circumstances. Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. "Kill her!!!"

The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife."

The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home."

The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room.

All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the man came out with tears in his eyes. "I tried, but I can't kill my wife."

The agent ! said, "You don't have what it takes." "Take your wife and go home."

Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls.After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow. "This gun is loaded with blanks", she said. "I had to beat him to death with the chair."


>Moral: (pick one)

Women are evil.

Don't mess with them

When you want a job done hire a WOMEN

[d9hp]

Thats a great joke, but men only say it to headstrong women, and even then they know its not true JK JK JK many women can do things just as good as men

[reefrunner69]

An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a
"Curse" he has been living with for the last 40 years. The Wizard
says "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that
were used to put the curse on you." The old man says without
hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."

[RogerMcAllen]

My racehorce got sick last week, so someone told me I should shoot him. I did that, but now I have a sick horse with a gunshot wound. I hope he gets better soon or I might have to shoot him again.

[ConanTheLibraia]

Two guys are walking their dogs along the street on a hot, hot, summer day. Soon they come across a bar. The first guy says "man its so hot out here, and I'm really tired, I could really use a cold beer right now." The second guy says, "the sign right there says no dogs allowed, and ya know its a rough neighborhood around here, you could really get yourself beat up." The first guy replies "just watch me." So he puts on his sunglasses, gets the handle of his pooper scooper, attaches it to his dog leash and holds the dog tightly and walks in. Imediately a man from the bar helps him in, thinking he has a seeing eye dog. The second guy is sitting alone outside and decides to do the same, so he takes his pooper scooper, attaches it to the leash, puts on sunglasses, and enters the bar. Immediatly the bartender says "get out of here man what do you think your doing?" The man replies, "this is a seeing eye dog!" The bartender says "that ain't no seeing eye dog thats a chiwawa!" the man replies "what? they gave me a chiwawa!?"

[Zic]

Little Red Riding Hood was walking down the forrest path to Grandma's house. She just happened to notice these bush branches moving. So, being the curious little one she is, she looked behind it and saw the Big Bad Wolf, crouched down.

"My! What big ears you have!"

The wolf jumped, as he did not hear her aproach. He jumped up and ran down the path.

A little while later, Little Red Riding Hood was crossing a bridge.She looked through the planks and saw the Wolf underneath.

"My! What big paws you have!"

Again the wolf was surprised by her. He looked at her and snarled, but only got up and ran further down the path. A little while later, Little Red (Who is very observant, no?) saw the wolf again, this time hiding behind a rock.

Again, she cried out to him, "My! What a large tail you have!"

The wolf looked at her and yelled, "LEAVE ME ALONE, YOU NOSEY BRAT! I'M TRYING TO TAKE A CRAP!"

[SquishyFishy]

An old woman in a nursing home was running around, lifting the hem of her dress and yelling, "Supersex!" She ran up to an old gentleman, lifted the hem of her dress, and yelled, "Supersex!" and ran off. After thinking for a second, the old gentleman replied, "I'll take the soup."

[SquishyFishy]

One evening, a family brings in their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home. The next morning, the nurses bathe her, feed her a tasty breakfast, and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden. She seems OK, but after a while, she slowly starts to lean over sidesways in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately rush up to catch her and straighten her up. Again, she seems OK, but after a while, she starts to tilt to the other side. The nurses rush back and once more bring her back upright. This goes on all morning. Later, the family arrives to see how the old woman is adjusting to her new home. "So, Ma, how is it here? Are they treating you allright?" they ask. "It's pretty nice, " she replies. "Except they won't let you fart."

tee hee hee!

[Zic]

Squishyfishy,
Those were a gag! Do you work in a nursing home or something? I had to read the first joke about three times before I got it

[Sponge Bob]

[acronym:bde34e653a="Laughing out loud"]LOL[/acronym:bde34e653a] that was a nice one