This is a little long..I can't understand some people.

[Melissamustang]

Excerpts from Court Reporters
These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.


_______________________________
Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July 15.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
______________________________________
Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
______________________________________
Q: This condition you have... does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?
_____________________________________
Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.
_____________________________________
Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
______________________________________
Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.
______________________________________
Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
___________________________________
Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
_____________________________________
Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
______________________________________
Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?
______________________________________
Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?
______________________________________
Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A:! By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
______________________________________
Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?
______________________________________
Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
______________________________________
Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.
______________________________________
Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
______________________________________
Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
____ __________________________________
Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?!
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.

 

[mr funktastic]

WOW 8O i didnt know people could possibly be that dumb. that remind me of the movie liar liar when he is asking all the pointless questions. i was sitting here laughing out loud with people sitting behind me and they were lookingnat me like i was crazy."Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
A: Did you actually pass the bar exam? " i actually was laughing for about 5 minutes at this one. are there more? if so please post them.

 

[Devilishturtles]

Hilarious. Very hilarious. Thanks for posting melissa. 8)

 

[Jchillin]

What a nice way to provide not only humor, but a look into our chaotic court system as well.

 

[deli_conker]

I get that in an email every now and then. Still funny every time I read it. I think some of the questions are funny because you can tell that they are rehearsed; I'll ask question 2 after question 1 (regardless of the answer). Funny stuff.

Although it is missing this one...

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: The person's brain was in a jar on my desk.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.

 

[Melissamustang]

Thanks all Its nice to laugh

 

[funky nerd]

oh my word, thats funny,i really hope those lawyers were rehearsed to ask a question regardless of an answer....cuz other wise i would be really worried about those lawyers.
Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any s?

lol
:?

 

[Melissamustang]

Glad everyone is enjoying!

 

[RoK]

That's some funny stuff! Thanks, I needed some laughter.

 

[Rondory]

Those are really funny!!!

I have a friend with boy/girl twins and she often gets asked if they are identical. She will say, "no, one is a boy and the other a girl". And they say, "I know, but are they identical twins?" Uh, no!

 

[bosk1]

I've seen most of those. Especially in my line of work, it's common for those sorts of things to be passed on. But there were a couple I hadn't seen yet. I love the last one.

 

[deli_conker]

Hadn't checked this thread for a while. Looks like a few have been added to the end. Funny stuff. Makes you wonder if people can really be that dense to ask questions like that.

 

[Elmware]

When I used to make home made toffees and sell them at the flee market, I made some varieties. One had Fennel which is like a licorice flavour. I labeled it "Licorice" and amazingly enough people would ask what kind of licorice it was.