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Old 11-20-2005, 11:33 AM   #1
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Update and thank you.

Thank you all for your support. Haven't been here much in the past few weeks but, I am starting to feel things again. Being numb certainly had its advantages but, cut me off from life.

Gary's death has been ruled an accident. It was a surgical "oops". That's proving to be very difficult for me to live with because I work in health care so, I'm in counselling now and won't be going back to work for awhile.

My mother sold her house and will be moving in with me about three quarters of the time. I'm an RN and work twelve hour shifts (days/nights/weekends/holidays) so, finding a sitter for the night-shifts would be impossible. I'm lucky to have her. It's also the most ideal situation for the kids... having a second loving parental figure in the home... if I'm not here, Grandma is certainly the next best thing.

With my mother, she brought her dog and fish tank. I now have three dogs and eight tanks... I know, I enjoy MTS normally but right now it's proving a little overwhelming. She had gotten rid of all of the media and water from her 40L and I wasn't going to just throw her fish back in there to endure cycling so, we split them up (she had goldfish in with assorted tetras and some unknown fish and some loaches and a big sailfin) with the two goldfish joining mine in the 44 and the rest are temporarily housed in the 20L that I had cycled and running but with no fish in it. Her sailfin is nearly as large as the one I have in the 44 so, I didn't think it would be a good idea to house them together. The 55 is cycling and then I'll move the goldfish and loaches to it with my sailfin and put her sailfin into the 44. No idea what I'll put with it. No idea what I'll do with the two 40L tanks that I have sitting empty.

My 375 dream-tank is on hold indefinitely. Doesn't really seem important anymore. But, at least I'm thinking about fish again. Poor things were really neglected for awhile there. I set up my XP2 in the 44 to get some good bacteria growing in there... then I'll move it over to the 55 with the goldfish. Setting that up was a nightmare. Got it up and running, followed the directions perfectly and then noticed the water level was dropping in the tank... the XP2 was leaking from where the powercord goes in. The directions said you could have 55 inches from the top of the water level to the bottom of the XP2 - I had 51. By the time I managed to raise the XP2 with a hasitly installed shelf, I had lost about 10 gallons of water onto the carpet. I was not impressed. But, now it is running great and no more leakage. The loaches are really enjoying surfing in the flow from the power-nozzle (tried the spray bar, didn't really like it).

My kids seem to be managing much better than their mother - "kids are resilient" the counsellor says. I'm trying to keep everything else the same in their lives. I'm available to them 24 hours a day (have a cellphone for when they are at school) but, they've been doing okay.

My husband was loved by a great number of people. The church was packed and over-flowing with people standing in the entrance listening to the service - the minister said they hadn't had to use the balcony in years. The kids and I have received a lot of support from everyone who knew Gary -- his union brothers, his coffee buddies, his AA buddies, his family, the businesses that he worked with. The largest contractor in the area paid for catered meals for 100 people for the day before, the day of, and the day after the funeral. The area police services provided escorts for the funeral procession (something that is only done rarely anymore). His union brothers took up a collection and started an education fund for the kids. They have taken turns coming over here to shovel snow and help me get the house ready for winter. When my dog Buddy started behaving like he was terribly ill, he spent the entire day at our vet having a ton of tests done (he was acting really sick) - the vet diagnosed grief and refused to allow me to pay. All of my co-workers at the hospital (doctors, nurses, administration, secretarial, food-services, lab, x-ray, pharmacy, engineering, cleaning, etc.) got together and made casseroles, took up a collection to help with the funeral expenses, and have taken turns checking up on me and the kids. One lost her husband suddenly eight years ago, she brought her kids over to talk to my kids and it really helped for them to know that they aren't the only ones to ever go through this.

I just wanted to say thank you for your support when all of this happened and let you know that I haven't quite gone looney. Thanks again.

"Fish are friends - not food" Bruce in A Shark's Tale (except for pickerel of course!)
375 cutsom - on hold indefinitely
55 FW - cycling
44 bowfront FW - 3 red cap orandas, 3 fantails, 3 golden dojo loachesone sailfin pleco
40L #1 FW - empty
40L #2 FW - empty
20 tall FW - adopted from my mother - 3 golden dojo loaches, 1 sailfin pleco, 4 assorted tetras and one mystery fish
10 long #1 FW - male betta, 4 peppered cories, 4 bronze cories, sailfin pleco, and some snails
10 long #2 FW - male betta, 1 praecox rainbow, 7 albino cories, sailfin pleco, and some snails
5.5 bowfront FW - 3 ADF's
8 year old flat-coated retriever, 3 year old mutt (looks like a small brindle lab) and a 6 month old miniature poodle (they're pets too, right?)
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Old 11-20-2005, 11:56 AM   #2
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thanks so much for the update! I had been wondering how you were doing.

You sound like an extremely strong individual who will pull through this.

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Old 11-20-2005, 12:14 PM   #3
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I listen to your update and I too see a strong individual. I am grateful that you have the love and support of the many people in your life.
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Old 11-20-2005, 12:31 PM   #4
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Lydia, I have no idea of how I missed your original post and went back to take a look.

Please accept my most humble belated condolences on your tragic loss. I have to agree with my colleagues, you sound unbelievably strong willed and I have nothing but best wishes for you in the future.
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