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Old 01-11-2006, 04:01 PM   #11
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I see. Well, you will likely not like my answer, but here is what I would advise my son or daughter:

1. "You should not be shacking up with your boyfriend/girlfriend unless he/she is also your husband/wife and you still like to refer to each other as "boyfriend"/"girlfriend" because it's cute. But that being said, you are old enough to make your own decisions on the matter."
2. "If you are old enough to move and out and live with someone, you are old enough to make travel arrangements. Your choice to go to college is a good one, but if you are not working and do not have transportation, you face another choice: (1) move closer to campus so that you don't need a car; (2) work part time to contribute some money toward fixing the broker car or buying your own; (3) make some other arrangements that will resolve the problem. Factor into the decision that the boyfriend does not have to do anything--it is his choice whether to drive you around. And while it is great that he recognizes his responsibility in his relationship with you to help you out, he also has a resonsibility as an employee to be at work. If he makes the decision to ignore that responsbility, I will have to mae the decision to find another employee. But everybody in this scenario has choices and has decisions to make, even if they are difficult ones that might present some unpleasant consequences."

That's what I would say. And, no, this isn't meant to pick on you, and it isn't meant to be rude. I understand where you are coming from, and I sympathize with the predicament. And there are probably lots of other facts I don't know about. But given what you've told me, I think something along the lines of the above would be what I would say to my son/daughter.

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Old 01-11-2006, 04:39 PM   #12
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hmmm. I don't want this to start into a debate, but I feel as though I need to defend my honor, so to speak, because the way you make it sound... you are acting like I am a promiscuous, spoiled slacker... which isn't the case.

1. I live with my boyfriend, Stephen, because not only is it financially more sound for both us and our parents, but we have plans to get married.. and both our parents agree that its better to live with one another to make sure we COULD get along married.. than to get married, move in and get a divorce. And I don't call him my boyfriend because I think its "cute"... I call him that because I can't call him my fiance or husband, yet.

2. I am a biology major with two more semesters to go. Right now I am taking, on paper, 13 hours.. but 4 classes are labs... so time on campus in class = 24 hours. Try to fit a job into that, considering on most days im going from about 11am to 10pm with a few breaks inbetween. My parents would rather me not get a job and focus on school.

3. If I could afford to live closer to campus- I would. Easier said than done. I will leave it at that.

4. My dad is a very understanding person, and wouldn't mind losing a worker to help his daughter out. In fact, he paid Stephen to spend the day at the car shop to figure out what was wrong with my car (even though he chose to do it w/o the pay).

I am not spoiled. I am not a slacker.

I feel this thread has gone where it shouldn't have. All I really wanted to was to find out things like what Skyrmir and deli-conker had to say- thinking outside the box. As well as opinions to try and help me better understand my father's decision.


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Old 01-11-2006, 04:49 PM   #13
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Although I take a more hardlined stance on certain issues than you apparently would, I purposely stayed away from adjectives like "promiscuous" and "slacker." I just don't want to go there. You may feel that what I would tell my kids doesn't fit your situation, and that's fine if you disagree. Again, I know you feel very differently than I do. But although I was very blunt, I was also careful not to put in any personal attacks, so please try not to take my post as an attack. And I appreciate that, although you strongly disagree, you did not resort to personal attacks either. Thank you.
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Old 01-11-2006, 04:49 PM   #14
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I have to agree. This was not a thread about anyone's lifestyle choices. I'm locking this thread for a "cooling off" period.

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