Epoxy, superglue, silicone (with no mildew/mold inhibitors). Let it cure until it doesn't smell... or 48 hours, whichever is longer.
"What, exactly, is the internet? Basically it is a global network exchanging digitized data in such a way that any computer, anywhere, that is equipped with a device called a 'modem', can make a noise like a duck choking on a kazoo." - Dave Barry