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Old 06-19-2004, 11:40 AM   #1
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How bout a good laugh

I thought ya'll might get a kick out of my little adventure last night. Its kind of long, but it was definately a "Tim-the Tool Man-Taylor" moment.

First..the set up. We recently moved into a new home in a brand new neighborhood. When we did, I had a 4000gal pond dug (still working on it). Well, the maintinance guy that runs the neighborhood said that I could have any of the rock that they dig up while building. This is BIG rock...the kind you move with a dolly. So, I told him I would love it, and he started piling it up for me on the corners. I went down to the biggest pile to start moving them. I figured one or two a night and eventually I would have a nice stash of them.

Well...I get down there and ofcourse the dumb @$$ workers have loaded the biggest one possible right on top! This thing easily hits me mid chest (I'm 6ft) when standing up right, and is about a foot thick at its thickest point. At first, I think "there is no way I can move that"........Then the male in me kicks in and I think "sure I can...I've got a dolly...and I dont have to pick it up. It cant weigh more than 1500 lbs or so." (yeah...this was my first mistake.)

So, I start rocking the rock back and forth and eventually get it on the curb (it wasnt but a few feet from the curb to start with.) Now...picture this. A 4.5ft x1ft x2.5ft (or so) rock hanging off the curb with me standing there with a dolly and a pair of gloves. Three hernia's later, the rock is standing verticle on the dolly, fat end down. At this point, so much blood has rushed to my brain from straining that I'm sure I looked a little bit like an Umpa-Loompa (willy wonka).

Now for the fun...dragging the 1500lb rock a half block to my house. I rock the dolly back (after more straining)...tip it back just in time to hear BOOFFF..PPPSSSHHHHH...tink. Yep...tire blew, air rushed out...metal rim to concrete. This is what you call a bad news, good news, bad news situation. The bad news.....flat tire. The good only one is flat. The bad news....the 1500 rock (that I have now started to referr to as JESUS CHRIST!) is leaning at a 45degree angle! LET THE STRAINING AND CURSING RESUME! Eventually the rock is standing up right (again), luckily having never actually fallen over.....but its in the middle of the street. Yeah...this is much better!

A quick jog down to my house and back now we have me, a pair of gloves, the disabled dolly, a piano dolly and Jesus Christ. So, my plan...stand the piano dolly up against Jesus and push the rock over as slowly as possible...which will hopefully end up sitting on top of the piano dolly (flat, square, with 4 wheels) IT WORKED!....kinda. The fat end is on, but the skinny end is sticking straight out to the side. No biggie...I can push it like that! So me and J/C and I start down the road, I'm focused on the keeping the rock moving and trying to ignore my legs that are on fire from pushing it A HALF BLOCK! The something catches my attention out of the corner of my eye....a parked mini-van about 10feet infront of me. (minor detail)

Ever tried to stop a 1500lb rock, named Jesus christ, that is rolling down the street on a piano dolly? I found out very quickly that its easier to re-direct it than it is to stop it. But the problem is that once you redirect it.....it keeps going that way. So me and the dolly and Jesus are now aimed across the street....rolling down the road.

At this point, I have two choices...get infront of it and try to push it back the other way (that could lead to more pain!), or let it slam into the curb on the other side. Oh...and I'm way beyond "Umpa-Loompa" by now. I finally get it redirected and headed towards my drive way when I realize there is a 2inch lip at the bottom of the drive way. Now I know what will stop a 1500lb rock named Jesus Christ that is rolling down the road on a piano dolly.

Now that I realize I wont be able to get it up onto my drive way, I figure I can just haul it up the wheel chair ramp, onto the sidewalk, and dump it in my front yard (for now). But I dont really want to push it any further....but I do have a pickup truck and some ratchet (sp?) straps... The plan, strap the Jesus to the dolly, then strap the dolly to the tie downs in the back of my truck and tow it down to the wheel chair ramp and into the yard. It worked great untill we (kim was standing behind it watching it for signs of trouble)..untill we got to the ramp. I have to make a 45degree turn and pull the rock with me.

Minutes later the situation has changed slightly. Its me, my truck, the gloves, my wife, and a 1500lb rock, that I have now started referring to as JESUS F'ING CHIRST that has flipped over on its side. The dolly only has two wheels on the ground and has a large crack in one of the struts. The Umpa-Loompa effect has now set in as a permanent look. To complicate matters more....J. F'ing C is sitting on the ratchet straps and I cant get them to turn loose.

The short version on the ending is that one of my neighbors helped me flip it back over and push it up in the yard. But I think I'm now known around the neighbor hood as either "Tim the Tool man" or "the Ump-Looma."

Edit: oh...and someone stole the dolly while I was pushing the rock up into the yard.
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Old 06-19-2004, 11:54 AM   #2
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I'm exhausted just reading that.
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Old 06-19-2004, 12:12 PM   #3
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What kind of rock was it?
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Old 06-19-2004, 12:14 PM   #4
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There is a lot of granite in the area, so it might be that. But its a yellowish blond color. Not really sure.
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Old 06-19-2004, 12:37 PM   #5
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nice workout
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Old 06-19-2004, 01:10 PM   #6
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Outstanding story, you were smarter than the rock, I think?
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Old 06-19-2004, 05:21 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SquishyFish
There is a lot of granite in the area, so it might be that. But its a yellowish blond color. Not really sure.
Background in geology - originally from Texas ! Probably limestone - beastly stuff
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Old 06-20-2004, 10:07 PM   #8
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JG...Since you have a background in geology maybe you can help me out. I cant us limestone on the pond water fall because it will make the water too alkaline. If I post a pic of what I have on there now, can you try to ID it for me?
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Old 06-20-2004, 10:21 PM   #9
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i have to see a pic of this rock.
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Old 06-20-2004, 10:23 PM   #10
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Woulda been a better story without the blasphemy... IMO

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