A friendly reminder about tact

[gilpi]

No one is suggesting that experienced hobbyists ignore poor husbandry, just that you catch more flies with honey as the saying goes. Some people just aren't going to do the right thing for their fish, and in those instances it's best to give your advice politely and move on if they aren't going to listen. At some point you're just beating a dead horse.

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True.

 

[Sharky7]

Yeah, and it's NOT just the $3 ones neither, I care about my $0.10 and $0.99 fish too! LOL... Me personally, I don't ever care how much a fish cost me, I hate to ever have any tank deaths and I really enjoy watching my little ones grow big, strong and healthy. But I also always try to only get fish that won't outgrow the tank(s) I have or put them in. I wish people would learn how to do THAT more often, than they wouldn't run into the proverbial "brick wall" when it comes to tank health!, It is NOT very hard for anybody to simply google search the species their interested in and read up on how large will it be when it gets to it's full adult size, what it prefers to eat, recommended PH level, temp. etc.. That sorta legwork has helped ME successfully keep fish more than you can possibly imagine, and believe me, it was much, much easier and way faster than how I had to do it back in the "good" old days where I'd either have to BUY a book or three or four or five to get the info I needed, or I had to trek on down and go visit the good old Public Library and hope they had something with some sort of useful info in it on my species. LOL

 

[VioletGoby]

I also think is is important to remember that many people JUST DON'T KNOW when it comes to fish keeping. They have been given or read outdated advice, been given a bum steer and they BELIEVE they have been doing the right thing, and are here in a panic because all their fish are dying.

They're not stupid, they just don't know yet.

As stated, beating them over the head with WRONG WRONG WRONG STUPID NEWBIE (or words to that effect!) is no help whatsoever. Tact goes a long way especially when fish are dying.

They are here now. We can help now, can only work with NOW.

Yes! I love your post. We have to be inclusive not exclusive. If people feel like they are being accused of being stupid or for being cruel to their fish...they won't want to stay and they might end up giving up the hobby altogether.

I doubt anyone on this forum has any intention of harming their fish.
I think the most important part of this hobby is a willingness to learn and effort. I think it means a great deal that people are actively researching and participating in the never ending learning process. Their intentions are good and all of ours should be too when we reply and post.

We have to encourage each other to keep up the good work and share our experiences.

In a way the Aquarium Advice forum is a tank...and I'm glad the moderators monitor the overall health of this 'human aquarium'!
We don't want to be a bully 'Auratus'. (See I'm learning!)

 

[Envee]

I would just like to take a moment to thank everyone in this thread, and anyone on this forum who is kind enough to be patient with newbies, and have understanding for people who are still learning. I especially appreciate those of you who understand that just because your way is right, doesn't mean that a different way is wrong.
When I bought my first betta fish, I started reading everything I could about bettas, and I found an article about a man who has 30 male bettas in the same tank with no problems. This went against everything I had previously read about betta fish. This man also talked about "finger feeding," which I had never heard of before. I may be a total newbie, and nowhere near being able to push such boundries as keeping a bunch of bettas together, but I have had a great time teaching my guppies, danios, and gourami to finger feed!
My point is, we all need to be patient, learn from one another, and maybe even cut each other a little slack for wanting to push the boundries, or think ouside the box. (Or tank, hahaha, terrible joke!)
So far, my experience on this forum has been a positive one. I truly enjoy reading all the different posts and opinions. I do not agree with everything everyone posts, but that's okay! A little tact goes a long way. Please keep up the good work. I really enjoy learning from you all!

 

[BillD]

Unfortunately, there are many myths in the hobby, that took on a new life with the advent of forums. Someone reads something, believes it to be fact and repeats it. If you see something enough times you will tend to believe it. While forums are a great way of disseminating knowledge, the down side is that opinion is presented as fact. You can strongly believe something and still be wrong. Sometimes there is only one right way.
You don't have to spend much time on forums to see that everyone knows more about filtration than the manufacturers. I don't know if I have ever seen anyone agree that a manufacturers claim as to capacity of a filter is correct. More than likely they will say you need two.

 

[slimjim]

Every hobbiest is in the hobby for different reason at from a different way of life with different income the trouble with forums you never know the level of the enquirers I remember nearly given up because I was listening to advise on equipment that I could not afford. Fishkeeping can be easy and cheap with only a few basic rules . It can be hard and expensive if you want it to be. Consider when giving advise what the hobbiest is in the hobby for a question very rarely asked!

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[candygirl415]

Everyone has their own goals and feelings towards their tanks and the habitants. Some a very passionate while others just want something nice without much effort. We can't impose our own passion and caring onto someone else who just doesn't feel that way. Getting angry and rude doesn't help or change anything. I've recently suffered 2 deaths of my 7 adfs. One was my favorite and I couldn't even bear being the one to scoop him out. By the time I realized the first one was sick, it was too late to quarantine as I noticed another one starting to be he same way. I've spent more money on medicating the whole tank than what all the frogs are worth, but that's not what its about for me. So far no one else looks to be sick as well. I know that not everyone cares as much and will just replace and I respect that. Whether we agree with someone's views on such things doesn't matter. We have to respect that each individual has their own way.

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[Stacey W.]

As a new member I am already intimidated by the pictures of all beautiful aquariums and I am always willing to learn. Being in the medical field it is ever changing as is the aquarium world. I don't think there is ever a wrong way of doing things just a different way. People need to keep an open mind to advice and don't judge.

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[Coursair]

I've been guilty of posting overbearing statement filled posts.

I blasted a newbie recently for adding more fish to an uncycled/unstable tank.

But then I PM'd and apologized and explained more. And then apologized publicly.

As I said, I don't want to be the mean one that drives away the newbies. So trying to go forward with more tact as well as passion for the hobby.

Tina
(Still not a dude)


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[Brookster123]

As a new member I am already intimidated by the pictures of all beautiful aquariums and I am always willing to learn. Being in the medical field it is ever changing as is the aquarium world. I don't think there is ever a wrong way of doing things just a different way. People need to keep an open mind to advice and don't judge.

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There is most def a wrong way to do this.. (lots of things)... wrong can soon equal costly and heart wrenching we are here to help..I'm on here quite a bit and I don't see many that won't/can't help in their own way. So many niches. .so many variables.. just keep an open mind and never stop researching on your own. Worst move you can make??? Take someone's sole Advice as gospel. ..
Ps - I'm not editing the beginning because I think it makes perfect sense..
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[Stacey W.]

Brookster123, I understand there are wrong ways to be an aquariums hobbiest. What I was trying to say is everyone has a different way of fish keeping. You don't have to take their advice but be considerate and open minded.

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[Brookster123]

Brookster123, I understand there are wrong ways to be an aquariums hobbiest. What I was trying to say is everyone has a different way of fish keeping. You don't have to take their advice but be considerate and open minded.

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That's cool... different. . Right...wrong....up.. down... I'll stick with the countless others that have helped me ohh so much.. sweet or sour?? Knowledge has no flavor. .

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[Mar23]

Unfortunately, there are many myths in the hobby, that took on a new life with the advent of forums. Someone reads something, believes it to be fact and repeats it. If you see something enough times you will tend to believe it. While forums are a great way of disseminating knowledge, the down side is that opinion is presented as fact. You can strongly believe something and still be wrong. Sometimes there is only one right way.
You don't have to spend much time on forums to see that everyone knows more about filtration than the manufacturers. I don't know if I have ever seen anyone agree that a manufacturers claim as to capacity of a filter is correct. More than likely they will say you need two.

I agree with this. After reading this forum for a few months now, it becomes almost comical to watch. Someone posts "I think my female guppy is pregnant" and the first few replies are "your tank is overstocked and uncycled." Huh? While those can be two big issues to consider in fishkeeping, they are not always "the" issue. But some people like to constantly repeat what they have read, most likely on this forum, and present it to others as fact. Notice I said "read", because I have noticed a few members making harsh blanket statements about fish that they have never owned (based on their own admission).
People who don't care about the well being of their fish don't take the time to look up, read and ask questions on a fish forum. Let's keep that in mind. Be tactful and try to give advice that is based only on either your own experience or your own extensive research from reliable sources. And state it as such. "In my experience" or "my research on this issue"...


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[Delra]

Happy to read the " rules of engagement" for the site. Looking forward to learning much from the members!.

 

[walklong]

Ben Franklin made the point of using the phrase "I may be wrong about this, but ..." when he needed to disagree with someone's opinion or belief. It's a powerful tool to open dialog and guide discussion in the direction desired.

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