Feeling defeated

[Betta Platy Addict]

My husband hates the tank I got today. I was sooooo excited about it too. He specifically hates the stand (don't blame him I don't care much for it either). He is in the furniture industry though so taste levels are especially high.

He wants to move it to a different spot or for me to return it altogether. It's already filled too (WHY is this happening?! Paid a babysitter all morning while I prepped and filled it).

What would you do? I'm totally not excited about it anymore which is very upsetting since I was beyond ecstatic before he got home. Obviously I should have discussed it with him (hindsight 20/20). But he doesn't even want one at all. Willing to keep it bc the fish make me and the girls (my 3 year old and one year old) happy.

Ugh. I literally just want to cry for a few hours.
This is so silly.

 

[Betta Platy Addict]

http://m.petsmart.com/mt/www.petsmart.com/product/index.jsp?productId=3804456

This was my upgrade from a 20gal since I love this hobby already after only two months.

 

[Rivercats]

Often spouses who don't like or want a tank are the people who you will find sitting and enjoying it after a time. Don't let him ruin your excitement of your childrens. I had a similar situation but I always caught him fish watching! You have a right to a hobby and it's also a learning experience for children. Try not to let your enjoyment get spoiled, I know easier said than done but try. Plus you don't want it to affect the kids.

 

[Demonknight]

+1 my wife (when she was still me gf) didn't understand why I love my fish, now that my angel will "dance" for her she loves it and I am now slowly rebuilding my tank inventory (shhhhhh) just let him catch the laughs and giggles of the kids and it will win him over, esp if the fish are the bolder ones that will go up and take food from the kids (my Harlequin Rasbora's will nibble on any fingers that go into the tank) which is guaranteed to make a child giggle

 

[Gsdsar]

If your husband is in the furniture business, maybe have him find a stand that he likes. If that's the biggest issue. Get him involved. When someone has investment in a hobby they will feel better about it.

 

[Betta Platy Addict]

Thank you all for the encouragement.

I WISH he could get something nice to put the tank on. It would never get done though. Just trust me on that (could give you a hundred examples around here haha). He is just super busy with work.

I figured out a good spot for it. The dining room was converted in to a playroom, and since this tank is for me and the girls, that is where it will go. He won't be able to complain about that

 

[Alyxx]

That sucks. I'm lucky that my boyfriend is beyond supportive of my hobby. We are at 7 tanks and he is almost as excited for me to hit the petco dollar per gallon sale later this week as I am. I know lots of us on here aren't so lucky. Btw, I have the same stand for my 56 and I agree that it could be nicer. Just keep on the lookout for a nicer one! And putting it in the playroom sounds like a good idea. Somewhere where you and the kids will enjoy it. Also out of danger from rogue doorknobs!

And as others have said, sooner or later you will catch him watching and enjoying it.

 

[Betta Platy Addict]

That sucks. I'm lucky that my boyfriend is beyond supportive of my hobby. We are at 7 tanks and he is almost as excited for me to hit the petco dollar per gallon sale later this week as I am. I know lots of us on here aren't so lucky. Btw, I have the same stand for my 56 and I agree that it could be nicer. Just keep on the lookout for a nicer one! And putting it in the playroom sounds like a good idea. Somewhere where you and the kids will enjoy it. Also out of danger from rogue doorknobs!

And as others have said, sooner or later you will catch him watching and enjoying it.

Yes! I don't need to worry about a door stop anymore! Thank you again for pointing that out.

You are lucky. But he will come around. He knows how happy my little 5gal betta and the community tank make me. It will all work out. I had to drain the water and remove the substrate so that we can move it - but at least I didn't have to haul it back to petsmart and return it.

What is the DEAL with that stand though? It's way way way way worse looking than any of the others. Not that any are great, but this one is just so crappy.

 

[bshenanagins]

I agree, tell him to suck it up. My gf likes to rag on me and says it takes up all my time and money blah blah. WHILE SHE WAS RESPONSIBLE FOR ME STARTING THE HOBBY. Came home one day when we were sophomores in high school with a turtle for me. So now I'm a turtle and fish guy! Sit down and be gentle about it with him. Explain why you love it and try to make him understand why it's fun to you.

 

[Fishingforfish]

I agree, tell him to suck it up. My gf likes to rag on me and says it takes up all my time and money blah blah. WHILE SHE WAS RESPONSIBLE FOR ME STARTING THE HOBBY. Came home one day when we were sophomores in high school with a turtle for me. So now I'm a turtle and fish guy! Sit down and be gentle about it with him. Explain why you love it and try to make him understand why it's fun to you.

+1. It took me literally a month to get my boyfriend into the hobby. It was unexpected though, so I don't blame him. Now he helps me in keeping up with water changes and buying stuff. I'm actually jealous, because he now has a 75g (I'm stuck with a 10)! And I was the one who had to coax him into it. ):< ugh haha.

Something that you could do is try to get him involved in a way that he would like. For example, my mom doesn't like the idea of keeping fish but she's delighted because of the fact that she gets to pick the decor and plants for the tank. Or you could just keep it between you and your girls, and away from his sight (if he doesn't like it, then he doesn't need to be in it)! It makes YOU happy, you have no reason to feel defeated.

Now, if only I could get my parents to oblige..

 

[Sfgiants415]

Don't let anything discourage you from doing what makes you happy!

My girlfriend thought I was a huge nerd but she ended up getting a tank for herself! She would even go behind my back to get fish she knew I wouldn't let her get lol. So far, I've caught her with a fancy goldfish and an Oscar that she's had to return immediately (she has a 10 gallon) . She loves the hobby even though she thinks I'm obsessed (she's right).

My college buddies called me the "fish whisperer". After some time, two of them got tanks for themselves.

My point is, everyone comes around eventually. You're husband will also.

 

[azmodan]

My husband hates the tank I got today. I was sooooo excited about it too. He specifically hates the stand (don't blame him I don't care much for it either). He is in the furniture industry though so taste levels are especially high.

He wants to move it to a different spot or for me to return it altogether. It's already filled too (WHY is this happening?! Paid a babysitter all morning while I prepped and filled it).

What would you do? I'm totally not excited about it anymore which is very upsetting since I was beyond ecstatic before he got home. Obviously I should have discussed it with him (hindsight 20/20). But he doesn't even want one at all. Willing to keep it bc the fish make me and the girls (my 3 year old and one year old) happy.

Ugh. I literally just want to cry for a few hours.
This is so silly.

Please don't get me wrong -- I'm not trying to pick any side here -- but let's try to look at this from his perspective. It's a combination of being a big cost, big area of space, and big time commitment that he wasn't included in discussion and purchase-wise so his reaction to resist the whole idea sounds pretty typical in that situation. He may have appreciated an opportunity to go with you to pick a tank out, maybe look at different stand options, and maybe take some measurements and discuss different areas of the house to put it before you filled it.

Just my opinion from a guy's perspective. Hopefully by including him more (maybe he has some different ideas about a stand or area of the house to put it in?) he'll be more interested.

Good luck and hope you get to keep it! It's a beautiful tank!

 

[Platiesareawesome]

I'm actually jealous, because he now has a 75g (I'm stuck with a 10)! And I was the one who had to coax him into it. ):< ugh haha.

Now, if only I could get my parents to oblige..

Haha same with me! (I said this in another thread, but I'm just putting that out there!)

 

[Betta Platy Addict]

Please don't get me wrong -- I'm not trying to pick any side here -- but let's try to look at this from his perspective. It's a combination of being a big cost, big area of space, and big time commitment that he wasn't included in discussion and purchase-wise so his reaction to resist the whole idea sounds pretty typical in that situation. He may have appreciated an opportunity to go with you to pick a tank out, maybe look at different stand options, and maybe take some measurements and discuss different areas of the house to put it before you filled it.

Just my opinion from a guy's perspective. Hopefully by including him more (maybe he has some different ideas about a stand or area of the house to put it in?) he'll be more interested.

Good luck and hope you get to keep it! It's a beautiful tank!

No you are right and I realized that. I used my saved up birthday and Christmas money though, so I figured I should get what I wanted. It was dumb of me. And I picked the tank with the smaller footprint over the long 60 gal I wanted. But location should have been discussed before regardless of the rest. I moved it to the playroom today and he is fine now. We are moving some time next year and will get a nice stand for it then. All is well again.

 

[Betta Platy Addict]

Haha same with me! (I said this in another thread, but I'm just putting that out there!)

Thanks for the laughs!