While reading, my first thought was "man, this is a long post." My next thought was "what is the point to this." Finally, I realized that you are every bit as much a fish freak as me. I am still laughing. Great story. Sequel!
I am not the story teller you are, but I once found a Paradise Gourami laying on the floor at a pet shop. It was nearly dry, partly stiff, covered with dust, obviously laying on the floor for quite some time. I picked it up, put it in the aquarium, and wiped the dust away. The fish swam off good as new. Amazing.