Questions about small kids and fish

[FishontheRock]

I've seen a number if parents on here with young children and I'm hoping you can lend some insight.

How do you explain to kids that sometimes fish die? Wether because of illness, old age or other causes. And at what age did you explain this?

I grew up around animals including aquarium fish and don't remember this being explained to me, it was something I felt like Ive always known. Ad I don't remember and am getting to the age when my friends/cousins/siblings are having children I'm interested in people's thoughts on this potentially sensitive topic.

 

[Andrew McFadden]

My tank is built into the wall and once I had a few get sick and I took them out and put them in a hospital tank. At the time my son was 2 and my daughter was 3 and asked why I moved them in there. I told them they were sick and for the next couple days they would ask how the fish was doing and I would tell them. They are not allowed in the room that I put them in. Then they stoped asking so I didn't have to tell them that 1 didn't make it. But if I had to tell them I would have told the truth. My kids have cystic fibrosis and understand what it means if they would get real sick.

 

[Samzter]

hi, what id do is just say ( depending on the age of the child) that the fish if it had died that it had gone on holiday or this may sound really cruel, replace it..

 

[LyndaB]

I think the best answer is the one that best fits your family. If religious, you could explain that the angels took the fish up to live with God. If not religious, you could explain that every living creature eventually dies. Some, like people, might live to be 80 or even 100, but some, like fish, have very short lives.

I'm all for keeping it real with your kids. Also, keeping it real simple. Always explain in an age appropriate fashion and only if the child expresses interest.

 

[somethingsfishy]

Agreed with telling the truth. Never say the fish is sleeping because it will develop into a fear of sleeping.

 

[janeth0185]

i simply tell my 3 year old the truth. i tell him that it died but it was going to fishy heaven with other fish.and then eventually we will replace it with another pretty fish of the same kind if possible

 

[SushiLuckyFin]

Truth is always best. I believe there's evidence that children who have come to terms with the death of a pet are better equipped to understand what it means when a friend or relative dies.

 

[FlyAnglerFishKeeper]

The angels took the fish? Sorry, but IMHO ( and no offense ) that's horrible advice. I don't know of any religion that teaches that animals go to heaven. As for the question, tell them the truth. The earlier they understand how the world (and life) works, the better. I think kids can handle it alot better than we think they can. So yeah, I have to agree with Sushi on that one...

 

[FishontheRock]

Thank you everyone for replying!

 

[jlk]

My little girl turned 3 in April. We have always been very matter of the fact & truthful with everything, especially the course of nature. She has been watching our cats play with then devour live mice (and other creatures) since she was born, watched our eldery mastiff become very ill & pass and various other creatures both being born and dying. She understands that things are created, live and die (and they are buried) and that drs & medicine do not always cure those that are sick. She handled my grandmom's passing from cancer this past June better than I did- and was unfazed by the open casket and gave me lots of hugs & kisses because I was sad . She informed everyone there that 'old grammy now needs to be buried'. Lies just breed more lies and children have a much greater understanding of the world around them then most people give them credit for- just be honest.

 

[SushiLuckyFin]

My little girl turned 3 in April. We have always been very matter of the fact & truthful with everything, especially the course of nature. She has been watching our cats play with then devour live mice (and other creatures) since she was born, watched our eldery mastiff become very ill & pass and various other creatures both being born and dying. She understands that things are created, live and die (and they are buried) and that drs & medicine do not always cure those that are sick. She handled my grandmom's passing from cancer this past June better than I did- and was unfazed by the open casket and gave me lots of hugs & kisses because I was sad . She informed everyone there that 'old grammy now needs to be buried'. Lies just breed more lies and children have a much greater understanding of the world around them then most people give them credit for- just be honest.

That is a brilliant example!

 

[christine2012]

My little girl turned 3 in April. We have always been very matter of the fact & truthful with everything, especially the course of nature. She has been watching our cats play with then devour live mice (and other creatures) since she was born, watched our eldery mastiff become very ill & pass and various other creatures both being born and dying. She understands that things are created, live and die (and they are buried) and that drs & medicine do not always cure those that are sick. She handled my grandmom's passing from cancer this past June better than I did- and was unfazed by the open casket and gave me lots of hugs & kisses because I was sad . She informed everyone there that 'old grammy now needs to be buried'. Lies just breed more lies and children have a much greater understanding of the world around them then most people give them credit for- just be honest.

Thank you jlk!! A beautiful example. This is how I handle it with my little. I totally agree that lies breed more lies, and becomes a vicious cycle.

 

[Andrew McFadden]

That is a brilliant example!

+1 my kids have watched the dog Chase down rabbits and kill them. Plus we have lost some chickens to the dogs and goats after birth. Plus we grow out cows and take them to a meat house to well you know what. But they deal with it quite well and understand.

 

[SushiLuckyFin]

My parents who live in semi-rural Queensland keep chooks (chickens for non-Aussies) and my boys often go up to visit Nanny and Grandad. They tend to get ageing chooks so they don't last long, they are also sometimes prey to neighbourhood dogs and the last time they visited one got eaten by a snake. They know because the snake couldn't get back out of the chook pen due to the chook sized lump it now had !

My boys were fascinated by it.

I also believe it is just as important to let children know it's OK to feel sad and cry and to miss their pet. But if they don't, that's OK too. And always be accessible for them to talk to.

 

[bud29]

When I was 6, I had my first fish die. My mom just explained it to me. I am very glad that she did. The sadness of it dying is better than the sadness that it is still alive but you won't see it.

Last year we had a kitten die. We got it sick and it passed away 4 days after we brought it home. My little sister was 2 and we just explained it to her. I am not sure that she actually knows what exactly death is, but she know that it is gone. Now she says matter-of-factly "We are getting a new cat because tigger died." That is much better than lying.

 

[paytertot]

The angels took the fish? Sorry, but IMHO ( and no offense ) that's horrible advice. I don't know of any religion that teaches that animals go to heaven. As for the question, tell them the truth. The earlier they understand how the world (and life) works, the better. I think kids can handle it alot better than we think they can. So yeah, I have to agree with Sushi on that one...

That's your opinion but I think its good advice if they believe it. My catholic family believes that animals go to heaven, so do a lot of my catholic or Christian friends, and so do I being pagan. No you're right I don't know if any religion actually TEACHES that, probably not, but a lot of people choose to believe it anyways. Like most of the people I know.
It just depends on what you believe personally in my opinion. But that's definitely what I would tell my children. That the creature in question died and is now going to live in whatever version of heaven you believe, with whatever version of creator you believe.
And if not religious, just skip the last part lol.

 

[hcourts]

Thanks paytertot. In all my years of church going I have never heard that animals did not go to heaven we held a service for my cat of 18 years when he passed!! I don't lie to my children. I told them that sometimes animals/people get sick and there is nothing you can do to help them get better. I work in a hospital and my boys both know that I do what I can to help the kids I work with get better but sometimes they don't. I have gone to funerals of patients or friends and I always explain to them where I'm going and when they ask what had happened I am always honest with them. They have done really well with death and dying and they are 6/3. I definitely think honesty is the answer

 

[paytertot]

I agree, I'm not a parent (yet) but I definitely believe you have to be honest, or else you are going to end up with some very confused and sheltered children. The questions only get harder to answer

 

[bud29]

Let's refrain from making any more religious comments or references. I can't seem to find the set of rules at the moment so I can't quote it exactly but religion is a touchy subject with some people and so we want to refrain from making references to it on the forum.

 

[reefdiver]

This may sound ignorante but you have to give kids more credit. You will be surprise what they understand. If they dont learn it from you they will from someone else.