Can someone please explain to my incompetent mother...

[Davala]

Can somebody please explain to my incompetent mother why you cannot keep 15 goldfish in a twenty gallon tank?

Apparently they will be "fine".

Please post here in layman's terms why it is not acceptable to do so, as she simply refuses to believe anything I say.

Much appreciated!

 

[treemanone2003]

Here's a start.

http://www.liveaquaria.com/PIC/article.cfm?aid=37


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[jetajockey]

Sometimes keeping the peace is better than saying your piece.

 

[sinibotia]

http://www.aquariumadvice.com/forum...uire-big-tanks-visual-perspective-265871.html

15 fully grown fancy goldfish would literally not physically fit in the fish tank. Bring home a saint bernard puppy in a cat crate and see how your mom feels about it. (Not literally, but it is a good metaphor to get the point across)

You can explain the nitrogen cycle, and how 15 goldfish produce too much ammonia to be processed in a small tank, and how even if you had enough filtration to process that much ammonia, the nitrates would get so high you would need to change 100% of the water multiple times per day.

Sometimes keeping the peace is better than saying your piece.

I'm sorry, but I very strongly disagree that this is a situation that's better to keep the peace. 15 completely helpless lives, lives that someone intends to take "responsibility" for, overrule keeping the peace in my book.

 

[jetajockey]

I'm sorry, but I very strongly disagree that this is a situation that's better to keep the peace. 15 completely helpless lives, lives that someone intends to take "responsibility" for, overrule keeping the peace in my book.

That's nice, but if the parent is ignoring or disregarding everything you say as it is, then why stoke the flames and cause more of an issue? I hope they don't show the mother this thread considering the choice of title. Calling someone who already isn't listening to you 'incompetent' is not likely to open the doors to discussion.

And yes I think maintaining a good relationship with a parent is far more important than 15 goldfish. It's easy to make an emotional argument about the value of their lives, but the ironic thing is there are hundreds of them in nearly every pet store living out far worse conditions than the aforementioned, yet everyone still shops there.

 

[sinibotia]

That's nice, but if the parent is ignoring or disregarding everything you say as it is, then why stoke the flames and cause more of an issue? I hope they don't show the mother this thread considering the choice of title. Calling someone who already isn't listening to you 'incompetent' is not likely to open the doors to discussion.

And yes I think maintaining a good relationship with a parent is far more important than 15 goldfish. It's easy to make an emotional argument about the value of their lives, but the ironic thing is there are hundreds of them in nearly every pet store living out far worse conditions than the aforementioned, yet everyone still shops there.

I don't think we're going to see eye to eye on this, but I respect what you are saying. I still think 15 lives tortured and thrown away for someone's amusement is not even on the same level. But it's true that putting it rudely isn't going to help.

Topics like this get me extremely fired up. I used to argue with my own parents about this very thing. So I'm going to step out of it from here.

 

[emerald76]

Find some fish similar in appearance to goldfish and show her how if you got something like creamsicle mollies they look a lot like goldfish considering and you could have a lot of other cool fish with them instead of just goldfish.


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[Angeleyes2325]

That's nice, but if the parent is ignoring or disregarding everything you say as it is, then why stoke the flames and cause more of an issue? I hope they don't show the mother this thread considering the choice of title. Calling someone who already isn't listening to you 'incompetent' is not likely to open the doors to discussion.

And yes I think maintaining a good relationship with a parent is far more important than 15 goldfish. It's easy to make an emotional argument about the value of their lives, but the ironic thing is there are hundreds of them in nearly every pet store living out far worse conditions than the aforementioned, yet everyone still shops there.

Agree!!! Well said


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[trennamw]

First, I think it's appalling to call your mother incompetent on the internet to a bunch of strangers. Nobody deserves that.

And if you can't speak with respect, she won't listen to you. She may think all you want to do is put her down, and that you don't really care about the fish.

There's a website called aqua advisor. I'd google it (note it's URL just got hijacked so check carefully which link you follow). It may help with your four own four goldfish in a 20 gallon situation too.

Then try something like "Hey mom. Since you're interested in fish, here's a website that will help you decide what to put in your tank. There are a lot of great choices for a 15 gallon."

The personnel in the fish stores likely advise similarly.

Being right and being heard are two very different things.




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[Delapool]

Out of interest why does she think that would work? I have seen some goldfish books here that suggest some pretty unreasonable stocking rates but I can only assume at the time that these rates were considered sensible.

 

[Davala]

Thanks all.

For those wondering why I made this thread; I really am worried about the health of the fish. There were originally 5 fish in the tank, but my sister is moving house so she has 'dumped' her fish in the tank as there is no other place for them. This is my tank by the way, and while there is an old tank in storage; there is no space in my room to add another tank alongside, and she refuses to allow another tank anywhere else in the house- even though there is a spare room which isn't used for anything currently.

This is the problem. Some of the fish need to be moved to a different (maybe 10 gallon tank) to reduce the pressure, but the only location suitable is where she will not allow. So instead she insists that they can all stay in a cramped tank and live happily ever after.

I've tried explaining politely!

Much appreciated.

 

[lilme]

Try telling her they grow. A foot long and having them in there is a death sentence.
That got my mom to rehome a few

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[Delapool]

Yes, is it possible to re-home?

 

[courtanee]

Ditto to Delapool. Try cl. Or your local lfs. They might take em for free

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[bigdaddymagnum]

First, I think it's appalling to call your mother incompetent on the internet to a bunch of strangers. Nobody deserves that.

And if you can't speak with respect, she won't listen to you. She may think all you want to do is put her down, and that you don't really care about the fish.

There's a website called aqua advisor. I'd google it (note it's URL just got hijacked so check carefully which link you follow). It may help with your four own four goldfish in a 20 gallon situation too.

Then try something like "Hey mom. Since you're interested in fish, here's a website that will help you decide what to put in your tank. There are a lot of great choices for a 15 gallon."

The personnel in the fish stores likely advise similarly.

Being right and being heard are two very different things.




Sent from my iPhone with three hands tied behind my back.

agree 100% calling your mother names via the web is a bit overboard.... i know i would not like to read a post from my daughter saying please help my retard father.... as for the answer your searching for you get further with sugar than salt.... try a more peaceful aproach

 

[Brookster123]

She's not going to be mad... just disappointed...... worst....

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[PB_Smith]

agree 100% calling your mother names via the web is a bit overboard.... i know i would not like to read a post from my daughter saying please help my retard father.... as for the answer your searching for you get further with sugar than salt.... try a more peaceful aproach

yeah, bad form and immature.
But let me correct you.
I doubt your mother is incompetent, as in not having the needed skill or ability to accomplish a task, such as fish keeping.
If anything your mother is ignorant, as in she does not posses the requisite knowledge to adequately appraise the fish situation.
(I'm ignorant when it comes to car repair, so I don't mean "ignorant" in a mean or derogatory sense.)
Therefore it is your job, if you wish to accept it, to alleviate that ignorance by educating her, which I acknowledge is what you are attempting to do.

but seriously, what was your plan?
were you going to hope to get a bunch of responses explaining to your mother why fifteen goldfish in a ten gallon is bad and then were you going to show her this thread entitled "Can someone please explain to my incompetent mother..." ?

I think not.

 

[Delapool]

Ah, families - who would have them.

I'm kind of wondering if having another tank is a problem as well, followed up by not seeing a problem as well with current tank stocking? Just wondering if there is more going on here?

 

[trennamw]

Ah, families - who would have them.

I'm kind of wondering if having another tank is a problem as well, followed up by not seeing a problem as well with current tank stocking? Just wondering if there is more going on here?

That's what I'm thinking ... There is missing context.

It sounds like you're stuck on putting another tank somewhere and your mom really doesn't want another tank somewhere.

If your #1 concern is the fish, there are many other options than having another tank in the house.

The fish need another home. Your mother said no to just one of the choices for another home. Call the fish stores and other resources, there are other places for the fish to go.

You've posted elsewhere awhile back that you had several gold fish in a 20 gallon that weren't doing well ... And your sister had another tank with several gold fish? And what's the back story on the tank that's now empty?

It sounds like even before this crisis you were over stocked. It'd really be best for the fish I think for you to pare down to just what can reasonably live in a single 20 gallon.

From what I understand goldfish are high maintenance. Keeping 16 is a huge undertaking, isn't it?

Your mom doesn't want to listen to you saying that 15 can't live in a 20 ... Are you willing to listen to us tell you that even the few you had in the 20 before is too many?


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[trennamw]

My concern is this, that the OP posted elsewhere recently ....

This goldfish has had many 'cuts' over the past month or two, where it looks as though it's flesh is protruding through the scales. I originally thought that there was something sharp in the tank, so I removed some ornaments, but this did not help. I own four young goldfish in a twenty gallon tank, and his is the only fish who is having difficulty, although swimming and eating as normal.

Hopefully in the pictures included you will see a sort of 'cotton wool' effect hanging out of the body.

What could be the cause? I have no water characteristic measuring ability, and please dont penalise me.

Isn't the minimum 29 gallons for one, and 10 for each additional? And routine water testing?

Davala, honestly, I think you are quite unprepared to have even the original tank. I wonder if your mom is feeling like the fish situation is getting out of hand so the last thing she needs in her house are more tanks. I've been a stepparent facing similar accusations and what I really wanted was for the young lady to do the right thing and rehome the animals she couldn't take care of.


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