Do You Know Any Fish Jokes?

[Alkane]

Hey

Was just trying to come up with some jokes related to the hobby.


Do you know any good ones?

 

[LyndaB]

Why did the whale cross the road?
To get to the other tide!


What do you call a big fish who makes you an offer you can't refuse?
The Codfather!


Fly-fisherman's wife: "Give a man a fish and he eats for a day. Teach a man to fish and you get rid of him for the whole weekend."


What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus?
I want to hold your hand hand hand hand hand hand hand hand.


Two men were in a little boat on a river enjoying a bit of fishing. They hear a funeral parade just ahead going over the bridge. One of the men stands up, takes off his hat and bows to the funeral parade. As he sits down the other man says, "That was very gracious of you". The other man replies, "Well its the least I could do. I was married to her for 50 years."

 

[Alkane]

Hahaha thanks LyndaB.

My girlfriend just showed me this one.

 

[VioletEmber]

Hahaha thanks LyndaB.

My girlfriend just showed me this one.

I'm going to think of this everytime I hear that song now! Too funny.

 

[Alkane]

Found this one on another fish forum. There aren't very many good one liners out there.

 

[LyndaB]

oh geeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeez.....

 

[mrwizard]

Hears a few :

Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, he'll eat for life. Give an octopus nunchucks, and no-one's eating fish ever again.

During our day at the lake, my mate asked, "What's the biggest fish you've ever caught?""Have you ever seen the film Jaws?""Yeah.""Well it was about the same size as the box the DVD comes in."

My son wants a gold fish for Christmas...He must think I'm made of money.

 

[Regz8000]

What's a fish with no eyes , fsh

 

[Gboy66]

What did the fish say when it swam into the wall?

"Dam"

 

[Maxkolbe]

How does an octopus go to war? - Armed

 

[Andy Sager]

We once had a picture on the wall of a pussycat on a wooden dock with a fishing pole and the line in the water with fish swimming around the worm.
The caption was "Have you ever seen a catfish?"

 

[Alkane]

_Mitch Hedberg_ (1968-2005)



Fish are always eating other fish. If fish could scream, the ocean would be loud as "heck". You would not want to submerge your head, nothing but fish going "Ahhh, "heck"!


You can't have seaweed as a houseplant because you'd have to water it way too much. "Hey Mitch you wanna go out?" No I have to water the seaweed. "Till when?" Till FOREVER!

I don't like grouper fish. Well, they're okay. They hang around star fish. Because they're grouper fish.

Seahorses are slow. If I was in the ocean I would not be a gambler on the horse races because you'd be there freakin days

I got some tartar control toothpaste. I still have tartar, but that stuff's under control. I got so much tartar, I don't have to dip my fish sticks in anything. That's actually kind of gross. After that joke, I have to clarify that I'm just joking.

I would like to go fishing and catch a fish stick. That would be convenient. I could easily get a job at Mrs. Paul's.

You know when they have a fishing show on TV? They catch the fish and then let it go. They don't want to eat the fish, but they do want to make it late for something. "Where were you?" "I got caught!" "I don't believe you, let me see the inside of your lip."

I have an underwater camera just in case I crash my car into a river, and at the last minute I see a photo opportunity of a fish that I have never seen.

 

[VioletEmber]

Oh I love Mitch Hedberg! So funny. His delivery is the best! RIP, Mitch.

 

[LyndaB]

I got some tartar control toothpaste. I still have tartar, but that stuff's under control. I got so much tartar, I don't have to dip my fish sticks in anything. That's actually kind of gross. After that joke, I have to clarify that I'm just joking.

Oh man....... blow chunks after reading that one......

 

[Alyxx]

I didn't realize Mitch made so many fish jokes...

 

[Pton46]

A Doctor, a Banker and a lawyer were fishing in the Atlantic and a rogue wave came to starboard and capsized the boat they were in. They were in the water for hours and all swam within a 1/2 mile from shore but then three Sharks started to circle. Within minutes the first shark grabbed the Doctor and pulled him under.....not to be seen. After that the Second shark grabbed the banker pulled him under not to be seen. The Third shark came in pulled the lawyer under but then the lawyer popped back up grabbed the shark by it's dorsal fin and it took him the 1/2 mile into shallow water. The Lawyer unharmed got out of the water and walked on the beach.

The other sharks were puzzled and motioned to the Third shark "why did you let that guy go? and moreover why take him to the beach to be safe."

Third shark said "well, he told me he was a Lawyer so I figured I'd show him some professional courtesy".

 

[DJNut]

Two fish in a tank, one turns to the other and asks.
"How do you drive this thing?"

 

[Maxkolbe]

Two fish in a tank, one turns to the other and asks.
"How do you drive this thing?"

Lol, that's really funny!

 

[alLexX]

this would probably make a better sig than joke

if wishes were fishes-wait,they already are

 

[George9]

Oh my god! This thread cracks me up so much .D