had surgery today

[54seaweed]

They placed the pick line in my chest Monday
I was expecting one with 3 tubes like I had the last time
this one don't have any it has a stick pad about the size of a 1/2 dollar under the skin
so I still get stuck but only in my chest I'm not happy
it sticks out about 3/4 of inch so yes it's noticeable
the whole idea of the pick line was so I didn't get stuck

see I even have my cancer ribbon

they didn't laser yet since I was still soar most likely mon

in this pict it shows what this thing looks like

 

[Scottyhorse]

Sending big hugs your way!!!

 

[deadmanwalking]

Hi there, we haven't met before but I just read this there and so I felt i'd pop in and say good luck to you! I'll be sure to keep you and your daughter in my thoughts and prayers.

 

[shellyx]

Thinking of you and sending you hugs x

 

[Convict2161]

Still with ya brother!! Ain't going NO WHERE!!

 

[melosu58]

Get Well Soon.

 

[clearancepuppy]

Have been thinking about you and sending healing thoughts.

 

[MMantelli]

Don't know you bit I saw your post I hope you recover. I will pray for you man. I don't know if your religious or not but if so just remember He died so we can live. We aren't meant to be sick brother. There's healing power in His name I've seen it first hand.

 

[54seaweed]

I have been promised a chance than it's taken away!!
Seen the transplant Dr yesterday , after looking through all the files from my first transplant the Dr don't think I'm a good candidate for a transplant ,

he don't think I could survive another transplant , I mentioned the last time of my transplant I had a 5% chance of survival and I pulled out of it

at-least give me the chance I don't have anything else

so that option is out of the picture, They think the new kemo drugs wont kill the cancer completely but will reduce it enough to slow it some , (WHOOPEE)

I chose to give it another chance but since the better options are slowly fading before me, I don't know if I want the kemo without the transplant ,between making me feel bad for months getting sick is it worth it for the extra year or so
me and my wife talked all night about this and she don't like the choices I'm leaning towards I told her none of my choices are set in stone
my next kemo is next tues I should know by than if I'm going to go with it or just finish what is left happy

 

[patrickriley2010]

I have been promised a chance than it's taken away!!
Seen the transplant Dr yesterday , after looking through all the files from my first transplant the Dr don't think I'm a good candidate for a transplant ,

he don't think I could survive another transplant , I mentioned the last time of my transplant I had a 5% chance of survival and I pulled out of it

at-least give me the chance I don't have anything else

so that option is out of the picture, They think the new kemo drugs wont kill the cancer completely but will reduce it enough to slow it some ,

I chose to give it another chance but since the better options are slowly fading before me, I don't know if I want the kemo without the transplant ,between making me feel bad for months getting sick is it worth it for the extra year or so
me and my wife talked all night about this and she don't like the choices I'm leaning towards I told her none of my choices are set in stone
my next kemo is next tues I should know by than if I'm going to go with it or just finish what is left happy

Good luck praying for you

 

[54seaweed]

Had first kemo session today
they stuck the needle into the port (wow) that hurt like hell but wasn't as bad as I thought it would be
the part that did suck was when I started having an allergic reaction to one of the kemo meds
my throat swelled shut and I couldn't breath
I passed out I was out almost 2 hrs , I saw a bright flash
all I remember is saying take me in peace and hearing soft music
than I woke up with a air tub down my throat being pumped with benadryl
once the swelling went down they removed the tub now I have a real bad soar throat
they let me go home around 5:30 or so figure that out almost die and get sent home
wife just told me I have another session in the morning
Is she insane I almost died!!
she said this time they want to pump me up with benadryl before the kemo meds
I told her I would go but no ones doing nothing till I say what I have to say and theirs still no gaurantee I will go any further!!!
if I don't do any treatment I could see 1 1/2 years
with kemo if I'm not already dead 2 1/2 years
if they didn't pull the transplant off the table 6 to 8 years
they dropped a bomb on me twice yes the yanked the laser treatment
I don't think I can take another bomb
I don't think I want to be their test dummy anymore
I think it's time to just pull my wild card and go with my gut
and just take my chances couldn't be any worse than what they subjected me too
and be happy not stressed out
my wife just don't understand I am tiered emotionally , physically , and mentally
I cant help but think it's a bad dream but I just can't wake up
I have had many stupid thoughts the only things keeping me from trying any are my kids and my wife .
I don't wish this hell on anyone
since the age of 16 I had major health issues I underwent 33 surgery's , appendix and gallbladder had 2 strokes , 2 heart attacks , had both Colin and prostate cancer , now this killer Mantel cell lymphoma cancer thought I beat it once now it's back bigger than ever and not wanting to let go this mean bastard just wont stop
now this 49 year old had a hard life and now I'm tiered I just want my last days to be good ones
I intend to live out the rest doing the things I love most building my tanks and enjoying my family
say good by to being a pin cushion , and just try to outlive this beast as long as I can
the guy in the bright flash said today's not your day so maybe he is telling me just be strong and enjoy whats left

 

[clearancepuppy]

Bless your heart. Feel for you. You were given a glimpse of the other side and you saw how peaceful your journey will be. This life is really just a blink in time. I have heard so many stories of meeting our loved ones as we pass. Just ask for God's will in this.

 

[Beengirl]

How are you doing? Did you have any more chemo? And if so, did it go any better? If you have decided not to do any more chemo, then maybe consider hospice. My brother had hospice and he was kept quite comfortable.

 

[54seaweed]

yes the poke on weds was even worse my chest is totally black and blue
sick as a dog with kemo drugs
glad I don't have another session till the end of June
thats my choice since my daughter is coming out for fathers day
and I want to be coherent while she is here these kemo drugs just ripe you a new one
if you seen the needle thing they stick into my port you would understand why it hurts so much , it's looks like a tip of a roofing nail about a 1/2 inch long
I'm trying my best to deal with it

 

[Beengirl]

Yeah, I'm a nurse and access ports fairly regularly, so I've seen the needles first hand. They are quite large. And they have to go in kinda slow so as not to rupture the port, so I'm sure it's quite painful.

 

[54seaweed]

Well I go back for another round of kemo next week
woke up this morn and the softball lump on my neck is completely gone
(Think it was the magic of my daughter coming to visit)
my daughter is out here this week took her out off roading yesterday
funny she was busting my chops yesterday that I yawn to much
guess this sick ole man still has it because she is still sleeping lmao now I get the last laugh , still have a lot to do horse back riding , water skiing, we had a day planned to go to the royal gorge till the big fire took it out , I have pikes peak cog railroad planed for either thurs or fri take it up to the top 14,000 feet
my daughter also wants to hit the go karts she thinks she's going to beat me in a race
it's funny I'm the one who is sick and I just keep going and going as both my wife and daughter are slowing down fast lol
and I thought it was going to be the other way around

 

[marsh]

Amazing what a daughters love can bring!

 

[54seaweed]

My Daughter is the world to me
Never knew how much fun stuff can be accomplished in a week
I'm glad I had the energy for the most part this week only fell 2 times after my leg gave out on me
so I wound up buying a cane
here's the photo album of everything we did this week together
really wish she could have stayed longer though
she flew back to Florida today and my depression is starting to set back in already
I start back on my kemo tues and really not looking forward to it


there are a lot of pict's so I'll just post the album link

Ashley S Colorado Trip Photos by 54seaweed | Photobucket

everything we did was in Colorado and is labeled in photo reference

 

[Alyxx]

It looks like you had lots of fun!

 

[54seaweed]

under went 2nd round of kemo tue and weds
also have been doing a lot of research and been finding a lot of interesting facts
like kemo after the second round can cause more damage than good
some dr's suggest doing 1 round every 6 months since no matter what this blood born cancer will never be completely out of my system
they say life expectancy can be increased by doing a single session every 6 months
anything more can cause kidney failure and do major damage to the liver and heart
I have a appt with another Dr to discuss my findings and to get his input on this
if treated correctly I could live a better life not always being sick
I already noticed my memory going again and I don't intend on losing anymore
I already lost more than 1/2 my memory from the first round of treatments 5 + years ago
My Daughter told me I need to do what I thinks best not the Drs cause there not living this nightmare
she can see how it already destroyed my way of life